Our House In Jersey

The Oldest Continually Inhabited House in Our House in Jersey

2010-11-01T20:39:00.002-04:00

I'm flipping through the October 2010 issue of Smithsonian magazine, and something has caught my eye: In a "Special Advertising Section" promoting travel to St. Augustine, Florida, the 445 year-old town is described as "the oldest continually inhabited city in the United States."

How can this be? I recall a previous issue of Smithsonian telling me that Acoma Pueblo in New Mexico is the oldest continually inhabited city in the United States. What gives? Am I remembering incorrectly?

I google Acoma Pueblo, nicknamed "Sky City", and the official website tells me that it is "the oldest continually inhabited community in North America."

So what's the deal, here? It seems to come down to a distinction between "city" and "community", but that just confuses me more. Is Acoma Pueblo, despite its nickname, not considered a city? Founded in the 12th century, it's the older of the two.

I'm not rooting for either one, here. I've been to both, and they're both wonderful and certainly worth your travel time and dollars. I'm just wondering whether St. Augustine and Acoma Pueblo are aware of one another. And who researches the oldest-continually-inhabited-whatever claims? It seems like there'd be some kind of government agency (the Department of Continual Inhabitation) dedicated to overseeing these things. Just where are my tax dollars going?!

Boy, I'd better get out and vote tomorrow. While I'm out, I think I'll have a sign made up: "Welcome to Our House in Jersey, the oldest continually inhabited house in this building."

Spectra Pipeline (Or: Wait, You Want to Do WHAT?!)

2010-08-04T15:42:00.002-04:00

Every now and then, an idea comes along that is so astonishingly terrible, so egregiously ill-conceived, so mind-numbingly lunatic, that even in the great State of New Jersey one cannot find an elected official who can be bribed into backing it.

I’m speaking here of the proposal to build a natural gas pipeline straight through Downtown Jersey City.

Well, not STRAIGHT through. The pipeline would have enough twists and turns to bring it within close proximity of the Jersey City Medical Center, the Liberty Science Center, and at least four public schools. It would follow a good length of the highly-trafficked NJ Turnpike Extension. It would come within four blocks of Our House in Jersey.

And the thing about gas pipelines is, well, sometimes there are mishaps.

Mishaps aren’t as infrequent as you might think. In June, one person was killed in Northern Texas when a pipeline was accidentally hit during a routine utility pole installation. Last week, a pipeline ruptured in Austin County, Texas. There were no fatalities or injuries, but then again, it happened in a field.

That’s just two very recent examples from somebody who’s too lazy to read through more than a half page of Google search results and too respectful of your intelligence to point out some of the more famous and catastrophic pipeline disasters.

But I will point out this: The news stories surrounding these incidents all use phrases like “near the village of” or “60 miles north of.” That’s because common sense dictates that you relegate hazardous materials to the outskirts of a densely populated area, not the heart of a city. When you’re playing with fire, you play the odds, and the odds are that there will be fewer casualties in a field than in any town big enough to have its own Financial District.

You have to wonder where the Department of Homeland Security stands on all of this. “If You See Something, Say Something,” the posters say. All right, then: I see miles of highly flammable, toxic gas winding through my town, just waiting to be ignited. I assume that the duties of the Port Authority police will expand from inspecting my handbag at the PATH station to confiscating lighters from the smokers outside.

The comical part of this to me is that anybody would trust Jersey City not to blow up a gas pipeline. This is an accident-prone town, with quarterly water main breaks, bad drivers, firecracker-wielding children, and frequent train delays attributed to electrical problems. It’s a crime-ridden town, with gang members, plenty of weapons, and a neighborhood known as “Gunshot Alley.” It’s a town lacking in oversight and competent leadership, full of sitting public officials who are busy defending themselves on corruption charges, and politicians who, historically and tragically, have been unable to distinguish between a pigeon and a dove.

Don’t get me wrong: I love it here. But I also love the e-trade baby. Doesn’t mean I’m going to hand him a matchbook and invite him to play.

I’m not naïve. I know that this world, this nation, this state, this town, and this house use a lot of energy, and I know that the energy has to come from somewhere, and I know that it has to be delivered somehow. And perhaps if it were being delivered to my house, my town, or even my state, I’d feel differently. But that’s not the case with the pipeline in question. This pipeline is meant to deliver natural gas to Con Edison in New York City. As far as I can tell, the only reason to route the pipeline through Jersey City (instead of through Staten Island, which is a viable alternative and, notably, an actual part of New York City) is because it will save the natural gas company, Spectra Energy, some money.

Of course, Spectra Energy and the New Yorkers who will ultimately benefit from lower Con Ed bills have put together an excellent package to compensate New Jersey for the risks they ask us to bear. Oh, wait. No, they haven’t. You would think they’d offer to pay for increased emergency response resources or infrastructure improvements, or help us relocate our schools away from the gas fumes, or throw some goodwill money at our community programs, or at least hand over the Statue of Liberty. But so far, nada.

So to sum up, Jersey City is expected to selflessly take on a considerable amount of risk for no good reason and with absolutely no compensation. If I may present this mathematically:

Great Risk + No Benefit = Outrageously Stupid

As an interstate energy project, Spectra’s proposed pipeline is subject to the approval of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC). To FERC’s credit, they’ve scheduled a meeting to solicit feedback from the community about the project, and I intend to be there. If you’d care to join, the meeting is tonight, from 7:00 to 10:00 p.m. at Ferris High School (35 Colgate Street). More information is available at http://www.jerseycitynj.gov/.

Upcoming Shows!

2010-02-28T14:49:00.002-05:00

Andi and I are performing the Kurt Weill show on Tuesday the 2nd and Monday the 8th! Come join us!

Recital Date Change!

2009-10-19T19:40:00.001-04:00

Hi, folks!

The Classical Cabaret recital is being pushed back a week - it will now be on Friday, Oct. 30, at 7:30. Will still be at the same venue, the Singers Forum.

-Maria

Classical Cabaret Night!

2009-10-06T13:40:00.003-04:00

Come one, come all, to the Singers Forum on October 23rd, when Andi Smela and I will be doing a recital of Cabaret songs! We're working on some really great music - Cabaret songs from Schoenberg, Poulenc, and of course our buddy Kurt Weill. We're also putting together some fun arrangements of some Piaf songs - not to mention, of course, the *incredible* Polish Tangos. All of this for the incredible recession special price of: FREE!

Live Long and Prosper

2009-05-13T23:06:00.005-04:00

Well, I never really watched Star Trek. I’d seen a few episodes here and there, and mostly think of William Shatner in the context of the infamous Twilight Zone “monkey-creature on the wing of a plane” episode, or his strange (yet endearing) version of “Common People”. But in honor of the new Star Trek movie (which we’re preparing ourselves for), Moray and I have sat down this week and watched the first few Star Trek movies, which I’d never before seen.

Obviously the acting is fabulous. The relationships between these characters are what it’s all about. But aside from that, I’m starting to finally understand the Star Trek mentality. An era of peace, exploration and enlightenment. Equality. Friendship. In the 4th movie, a woman from the 1980s asks Captain Kirk (as they get up from a pizza dinner to rush back to the ship), “What? I suppose you don’t have money in the 23rd century?” to which he responds, “No, we don’t.”

When was the last time we stopped to imagine our future? What is the best possible outcome for our society? As a kid, I remember thinking that there would easily be a day in my lifetime when wars would be a thing of the past. Whatever major issues we were dealing with, we’d find the intelligence and wisdom to make the right choices. It was just an assumption; through trial and error, we would eventually learn and prevail.

It’s been a long time since I could think beyond the present. There is a classic moment from my college days (which I endlessly love recalling much to my friend’s dismay) when our music history teacher asked us (after a huge historical build-up), “…and when the spaceship Voyager lifted off in 1977, carrying a Golden Record bearing samples of the best of human culture, the music of which composer do you think was included?” to which I, of course, yelled loudly: “Yanni!”

Although the answer of course is J.S. Bach, it begs the question: How will our era be remembered? If we were to now send a time capsule into outer space, representing the best, most representative works of our generation, would it contain Riverdance? American Idol? Can you imagine an alien life-form’s reaction to Kelly Clarkson? Or maybe a commercial for male enhancement? Do you think an equivalent to the genius and beauty of J.S. Bach could possibly be a product of our times? I fear when our 23rd century selves look back on the current era, they will be quoting ancient wisdom from “Oops, I Did It Again”, by Brittney Spears - the obvious modern-day wordsmith equivalent of William Shakespeare.

Picture it: The year 2267. Our real-life, future versions of Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are about to be blown to smithereens by Klingons. In a tense moment, facing the abrupt end of their mission (and possibly their own deaths as well as the deaths of their crew), the Captain searches for the right words of wisdom to inspire and comfort his crew. He closes his eyes and slowly recites from memory:

With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride 
You're toxic, I'm slipping under 
With a taste of poison paradise 
I'm addicted to you 
Don't you know that you're toxic? 
And I love what you do 
Don't you know that you're toxic? 

Sadly, I fear the Klingons will be confused and probably blow up the ship as a result of their brain matter spontaneously melting. I fear for our future.

Anyway, I ask these questions because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our priorities as a culture, as a civilization. I think everyone’s version of “progress” probably varies a lot these days, and it’s becoming harder and harder to see how we as individuals (and in many cases artists and musicians) fit into the bigger picture. It’s not easy to think about creating something beautiful, intended to explore and share the human experience, when the majority of our personal experiences revolve around trying to pay rent, bills, and not getting cancer (again). Well, maybe that’s just me. But I figure we’ve all got our own stories.

Any of you creative types out there have thoughts on this?

Awards Season

2009-01-27T23:46:00.002-05:00

There's so much we've neglected to write about lately. We've failed to chime in on the election, the economic meltdown, and the plane that landed in the Hudson. We haven't told you about our sweet foster kitty, our broken gate, or the hawk that landed in our back yard.

So what could make us finally break our blogging silence? A better blogger, that's what.

If you glance down to our list of friends' blogs (on the left), you'll see the link to Friend Michelle's blog. Michelle writes a witty, inspiring, and foul-mouthed blog called Thursday Night Smackdown. It's a food blog, and it's the perfect blend of sweet and savory.

And it's a finalist for a 2009 Bloggie Award!! This is a big deal. The Bloggie is to blogs as the Oscar is to movies.

Out of thousands of nominees, Thursday Night Smackdown is one of only five finalists in the "Best-Kept Secret Blog" category. If you're so inclined, you can help Michelle take home the Bloggie by voting here: 2009.bloggies.com . The screen scrolls to the right, and you have to vote in at least three categories for your vote to count.

Who knows? Maybe Michelle's success will inspire us to be better, more consistent bloggers. (Or maybe I've just diverted what's left of our readership to her...)

OHIJ Bi-Annual Update

2008-11-08T13:15:00.008-05:00

Ahoy!

Boy, has it been a crazy week. First, Aaron Jerome Aroma moved into his new digs down the street, so now we are just a married couple, a recovering salvation army worker, and their two adorable, egomaniacal cats. Farewell, licensed flashdancing aesthetician, we will come visit you soon!!

Second, I turned 30. I have a lot to say about that, little of which is easily articulated.

Thirdly, our great country elected an amazing, capable leader named Barack Obama president, and a generation sobbed realizing that they actually have emotions and are capable of feeling passion and trust once again.

And we painted the living room. Always a nice way to start bringing about change, with a nice new coat of paint.

Aside from these spectacular achievements, I'd like to invite everyone to a few things happening about town! First, our good friend and spectacular pianist/composer David Shenton is giving a free concert TONIGHT in Sunnyside at the All Saint's Episcopal Church (43-12 46th Street):

Our own Mr. Moray Watson did a lovely job on the promotional poster.

Next! I'm playing a few upcoming gigs - I've been playing piano in an excellent show in Brooklyn called "LORD OXFORD BRINGS YOU THE SECOND AMERICAN REVOLUTION, LIVE!
being the necessary and appropriate response to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's suppression of the freedoms and dignity of the European-American settlers and their descendants in the Royal Eastern American Colonies and the inordinate conferring of special favours and privileges on the merciless Indian savages and the former Negro slaves, in the year Two Thousand and Eight"

It's quite awesome theater. The premise is "What if we hadn't won the Amercian Revolution and were instead at a taping of a highly-rated Lawrence Welk-esqe propoganda machine of the British Empire?" I'm leading a small stage band including myself on piano, along with accordion and bass. We are rocking-out friend Matt Van Brink's excellent arrangements. The show is at the Brick Theater in Williamsburg, Brooklyn - (575 Metropolitan Ave - take the L train the Lorimer, it's on the north side Metropolitan Ave between Union and Lorimer). Here's a nice review that does a good job describing the show:

http://www.greenpointnews.com/entertainment/the-revolutionary-war-as-a-reality-show

It's running Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 8 from now until Nov. 22nd. Please come! Very worth it.

Lastly, I'm subbing on piano for This Ambitious Orchestra on Monday night at 8 at Mercury Lounge (217 E. Houston Street). The bandleader/singer is our Lord Oxford accordionist Benjamin Ickies, and he's assembled a really cool group of orchestra musicians to play his wonderfully arranged rock songs. Really looking forward to playing with them.

Oh! Also, Andi, Erin, David and I are doing Carabet Cares again at the Laurie Beechman theater (West Bank Cafe on 42nd and 8th Ave) on Nov. 17th, so check that out as well if you can. Andi and I are going to do Alec Wilder's Blackberry Winter. Not sure what I'm going to play yet, thinking about working up a piano arrangement of "Reckoner". Anyway, here's the info for that:

*phew* I think that's everything.

Our Friends in Brooklyn, Sittin' in a Tree

2008-10-13T22:31:00.011-04:00

The whole household got gussied up yesterday and headed to Brooklyn, where our gorgeous friends Susan & CJ tied the knot. Here are some photos, for your viewing pleasure.

The lovely couple.

Another lovely couple: Maria & Moray.

Moray with the bride's sister, Sarah.

Aaron does a quick touch-up on the bride.

Me with my handsome date, Nick.

Aaron enjoying a little celebratory vino.

The bride & groom. Blurry, yes. But I'm sharing it anyway because it was taken after two cheesy game show hosts (Dick Swizzle & Perry Combover) fitted Susan with a purple hat and CJ with an orange wig, and right before the couple busted into a rockin' karaoke version of "Livin' on a Prayer" to entertain their guests. And that's why we love them, blurry or not.

Forget-Me-Blog

2008-08-04T23:44:00.003-04:00

Um, we've all forgotten to blog. I think it's been a good couple months, and there's really no excuse. I will now make some effort to update our readers as to our recent happenings in Our House In Jersey.

Well, first and foremost, this Friday is the day. THE DAY. For the first time in 7 years, I will be witnessing live, in person - the band, the myth, the legend - Radiohead. Yes, yes; I was THWARTED 2 years ago when they played in Madison Square Garden. Two years before that, I was thwarted again, when a kind soul Fed-Exed me a ticket to their 2 dollar bill show, only to be stuck in upstate NY because I couldn't get a flight to the city (this was back in the "Summer of Radiation"). So I'm really hoping it doesn't monsoon on Friday (like Moray keeps warning me it might), because lord knows, Liberty State Park likes to flood. Somehow I doubt it will be just like Glastonbury. In fact, last time I went to a music festival was Lallapalooza (not to be confused with Meat-a-Palooza) back in 1996. I'm quite sure Metallica was headlining. I distinctly remember hating every minute of it - especially when I got dragged into a mosh pit for the Ramones, and being the shortest person in the crowd, having hundreds of crowd surfers land on my head because I couldn't reach them. It sucked.

However, despite past festival disasters, this year I'm clearly psyched. If I may reminisce... Picture it: August, 2001. I'd been living in the city for just under a year - and let me tell you, it'd been a rough year already, and it wasn't even September yet. Anyway, my lovely friend Kristin was very good about inviting me out to concerts with her - after 4 years in music school, I was (ironically) quite out of touch with modern music. Kristin took me along to many interesting shows at Irving Plaza, such as The Doves, Jeff Tweedy, DJ Shadow - all things I'd never heard before. Admittedly, being the music snob I am, I wasn't really impressed with most of the stuff we'd see, which was why when she asked me if I wanted to see Radiohead with her at Liberty State Park, I was skeptical. Sure, I loved "Creep" back in 9th grade. But I could never understand how this band still existed. I had vague memories of fellow students at school getting really excited by this "OK Computer" album, but I'd never heard it. But luckily for me, Kristin persisted, and on one toasty August night, we boarded a ferry at the World Financial Center and set off to witness one of the most incredible concerts I'd ever been to.

Yes, I know we're entering a world of cheeze, but I am not ashamed! I was blown away. The next night, I borrowed Kid A from Kristin and listened to it on my old discman in complete darkness. It accompanied me to work and back every day for the next few weeks. Next thing you know, I was trying to figure out how to play "Subterranean Homesick Alien" on the piano. I would call Kristin and leave her voicemails of myself playing whatever new Radiohead song I had learned. Poor girl. She had created a monster!!! A monster I say!

So you can see my enthusiasm. Hopefully they won't suck. Ha! Just kidding.

Anyway, that's not an update at all really, in fact none of this has even happened yet! What HAS happened, you ask? Well, after 3 years of 1099s, no health insurance, and frequently watching my poor co-workers verbally assaulted, I've left my graphics job. So I am now sitting down and learning InDesign (and maybe Illustrator if I'm really motivated) and doing a bit of copywork/transcriptions to get me through the summer. Every few years I have one of these moments where my brain starts pulling itself into a few different directions (should I be a musician? should I get health insurance?) - and I think this time the finances (or lack thereof) are starting to win out. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

We've had some wonderful visits this summer - after not seeing each other for well over a decade, friend Allison and her husband stopped by over the 4th of July weekend! Beth Ann, Allison, Sue, Heather, Aaron and I used to cause all sorts of trouble in high school. Well, as much trouble as 6 honor students and a getaway van could cause, anyway. It was really wonderful to see her again. Earlier in the summer Moray's dad and step mom June came over for a visit, which was really fabulous. We got to show them the Jersey sites, and this time there wasn't even a blizzard! Moray's now an uncle - his brother Cameron is now a dad, his little one was born at the end of June - very exciting. There's a great photo of teeny Isaac Alexander on facebook in a guitar-themed one-sie. Pretty awesome. I will ask for permission to post.

Beth Ann has introduced us to a whole new world of awesome Jersey friends, for which we are very grateful. A bunch of the locals came to our Starbucks gig last month, which was really, really wonderful. Aaron did an excellent job hosting and keeping us smiling, and I managed to make everyone sob in return. If I learned anything from that show, it was that I really need to learn some up-tempo songs. All in all, it was a good night, and Starbucks said we could come back any time. :D Plus we got a coupon for a free drink, so, that was nice.

I shall now end the longest blog ever.

Signing off,

Maria

Fun in J.C.

2008-06-20T16:39:00.003-04:00

Come one, come all! to our somewhat bipolar laughter and music extravaganza next Friday at the local Starbucks, when Aaron Jerome-Aroma and myself, Maria D-W, will be entertaining local Jersey-ites with comedy and music. Aaron and a friend of his (don't know his name, but I'm sure he's funny!) are going to do 2 sets of stand-up comedy, then I'll do a set of piano/vocal music. You won't be disappointed!

I'll try and come up with a groovy postcard!

In the mean-time, here's the stats:

When? 8:00, next Friday, June 27th
Where? Starbucks at Grove St. (across from the Grove St. PATH Station)

There may be some coffee-related promotions as well, I'm not sure. In any case, it should be a fun night out. Hope to see some of you there!

Love, Maria

merci beaucod

2008-05-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

I'd like to thank the anonymous individual who sent me a "Da Vinci Cod" tee shirt for my birthday last week.

I know who sent me "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks.

I know who sent me the life-sized cardboard cutout of Fabio.

But the tee shirt with a picture of Mona Lisa holding a fish? I have no idea who to thank.

So here's a hearty MuChaS gRAcIAs to the generous soul who made me giggle at the notion that, as the tee shirt says, "Mona was a cannery girl!" It made me realize that Mona's smile is more of a smirk. =)

Citadel FCU - Tip #118

2008-04-29T22:55:00.003-04:00

Well, it's been a while since we've blogged.

But I'm making up for it right now.

I guess he wasn't around for a while.

2008-03-14T02:04:00.004-04:00

Why am I giggling at this news item?

It's not because some poor woman had a phobia of leaving the bathroom.

It's not because she stayed in her bathroom for so long (possibly two years!) that she ended up stuck to the toilet.

It's not because the author of this article pointed out that "The home has a second bathroom."

No, it's because the sheriff quoted in the article is named -- really -- Whipple.

Shameless Pluggums

2008-02-01T18:36:00.000-05:00

By request, I'm gonna do Wild is the Wind...

-Maria

Trivial Pursuit

2008-01-27T23:08:00.000-05:00

If you hang around the cockpit long enough, the pilot will eventually trust you with the controls.

Thus, Friend Brian and I will be co-hosting trivia night at Barrow Street Bar this Wednesday, filling in for regular Trivia Master Jeff, whose real job is sending him out of town. (Temporarily, of course.) So if you live in Jersey City, c’mon out for what will surely be the greatest bar trivia experience of your life.

Brian and I decided that we must both agree on each trivia question before we can ask it. It’s our own little system of checks and balances to ensure that the questions are somewhat diverse and don’t merely reflect our own personal interests. Especially since our primary personal interests are Three’s Company (mine) and beer (his).

(Potential trivia question: Where did Mr. Furley go when he wanted a nice cold beer? Answer: The Regal Beagle.)

Speaking of Friend Brian, he and his wife, Michelle, are the wit and charm behind Us vs. Food and its companion blog, Us vs. Beer. The blogs chronicle Brian and Michelle’s culinary and home-brewing adventures, complete with photos that’ll make your mouth water. If you’re like me, you’ll find yourself trying to think of ways to get yourself invited over for dinner, such as mentioning them on your blog. Or perhaps you’ll be inspired to grab a spatula and embark on your own gourmet journey. Either way, the blogs are definitely worth a visit.

Also...

2008-01-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a video of the Hogmanay fireworks... They are set off simultaneously around the 7 hills of Edinburgh. We were on top of Calton Hill when we took this video. As it pans right, you can see in the distance the fireworks on Arthur's Seat, Blackford HIll, some over the Castle, and another hill I can't remember the name of!

Drouthy Neighbors

2008-01-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not entirely sure what that means. I found it on an interesting messageboard, subject: Great Scottish Sayings. Moray says it means "Thirsty friends, meaning thirsty for knowledge".

That being said, Moray and I are indeed back from "Embra", and had a fantastic time. I'll post some pics/video below!

...the rest of the photos are here!

Suggested Resolutions

2008-01-01T18:34:00.000-05:00

Always on the lookout for personal growth opportunities, Basil and I have spent the last few days trying to come up with our New Year’s resolutions. We’ve decided to set one goal and pursue it together. But what should it be? To get more rest? To design a new and improved strategy to catch that bird on a stick?

Basil and I couldn’t help but notice that we are the only members of this household who have been discussing New Year’s resolutions. And let me tell you, it wouldn’t hurt any of those clowns to set some personal goals for 2008. So here are some suggestions for Mommy, Daddy, that other guy, and that other lady:

Resolution #1: I will not be stingy with food.

You’d think that, with four adult humans living in this house, a kitty’d be fed a bit more regularly. The current meal schedule includes giblets in the morning and crunchy bits in the evening. That’s just two mediocre meals a day, and there’s a lot of time in between them. If each and every human household member would step up and feed us daily (it only takes a few minutes, people), that would bring us up to four meals a day, which seems much more humane.

It’s not just the kitty feeding schedule that should change – it’s the general attitude about sharing food. For example, Daddy eats a lot of bread. I like bread. In fact, I love bread. But does Daddy ever share his bread with me? No. He doesn’t. And Mommy loves pasta. But does she share with me? No. She doesn’t. And that other lady eats a lot of turkey sandwiches. But does she share with me? Hardly ever. I’ll sit next to her, try to sniff the sandwich, bat her on the knee with my paw, maybe let out a small whine … you know, just generally demonstrate my interest in the turkey sandwich. It’s not like I’m asking for the whole thing. She could just give me the turkey and bread and keep the tomato for herself. But she's just so unreasonable. And that other guy eats a lot of … well, actually, he eats a lot of lemons. I don’t like lemons. He’s excused from this resolution.

Resolution #2: I will involve all household members in decision-making.
Mommy, Daddy, that other guy, and that other lady have a tendency to act without first seeking and considering the feline perspective. Case in point: A few weeks ago, the humans let a bunch of loud and scary people into the house to drink and eat (nobody shared anything with the kitties, FYI) and stomp around in an intimidating manner. Did anyone mention this to Basil or me ahead of time? No. Of course not. We’d had big plans to snooze on the sofa – plans that had been in the works for six or seven hours – but, at the last minute, we had to drastically alter our plans and snooze in secret hiding places on the third floor. All because nobody consulted with us first. We’re reasonable kitties. We wouldn’t have said, “No, don’t invite scary people over.” We’d have said, “Great! Let’s invite the neighbor kitties!” And we’d have taken our naps earlier in the day.

Then there’s the way they plant the garden, using valuable digging space to grow flowers and herbs. Don't get me wrong, now. I like herbs. They are delicious and fun to chew on. But, c’mon, people! Kitties need to dig and roll around in the dirt! Leave a little patch of ground unsown, would ya?

And then there’s that damn CD they made last month. It’s supposed to be a collection of songs that the household members listened to in 2007. But two household members are conspicuously unrepresented: Basil and me. How insulting. They got what they deserved, though: Instead of a fun CD with quality tunes from Fergie (Basil’s choice) and FloRida featuring T-Pain (my choice), they have a ridiculous compilation of trash by “artists” like Grinderman, Madonna, Radiohead, and #*&%ing Matt Costa. I mean, who the hell is Matt Costa? And Arcade Fire. I am sooo tired of Arcade Fire.

Resolution #3: I will spend more time with my family.
This one is primarily for Mommy and Daddy, who often neglect us. Right now, for instance, they are traveling overseas, spending the holidays with their “family”. Well, excuse me, but if making yourself available for cuddles EVERY DAY for your whole life doesn’t make you family, I don’t know what does. Basil and I are ALWAYS there for Mommy and Daddy, through thick and thin, even though, as previously mentioned, they feed us only twice a day. We guard the downstairs at night, we run around in circles to alert them when there’s a scary noise, and we sniff them thoroughly whenever they come home. All we ask in return is a little snuggly family time.

So there you have it. Our humble recommendations for our humans’ New Year’s resolutions. We hope that Daddy, Mommy, that other guy, and that other lady will give them the consideration they deserve. As for Basil and me, I think we’ve settled on our resolution: To spend more time outdoors. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go meow by the back door.

oy that's my pussy!

2007-12-18T13:02:00.000-05:00

Is this not the freakiest thing you have ever seen? it's amazing, it's taken me all year to finally find the image that defines 2007 for me.

there are so many oxymorons to this image that I'm speechless.

Happy holidays

m

...And a Good Time Was Had By All

2007-12-17T13:56:00.001-05:00

Picture posting alert!

Well, the holiday party was a success, and thanks to all who made the trek out to Jersey City on a bitter cold, sleety, icy December night! The wassail was enjoyed by many, new Jersey friends were made, and everyone was in a food coma by 4 am.

Here's a few fun pics! And if you forgot to pick up your "OHIJ Best of 2007 CD" (or couldn't make it), let me know, I can post one for ya!

love Maria

gobble gobble

2007-12-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

yoy people!, as you all know I usually rant about all kinds of things (mostly my knee jerk reaction to what I read about in the free press). So I have found an interesting addition to my Gmail account in which to validate my rant sources. The RSS feed below allows me to share my news skimming with the rest of the world, SO I invite you to look at the mess of media that takes my fancy and I will try to update it on a daily basis:

https://www.google.com/reader/shared/13915792907233464117

Love

M

Multitasking

2007-12-03T22:29:00.000-05:00

Some guy tried to rob the local Dairy Queen while eating a chicken drumstick.

Which raises an important question: There's a Dairy Queen in Jersey City? I haven't been to a Dairy Queen in years. I didn't even know they still existed.

Happy Holidays

2007-11-26T12:08:00.000-05:00

Please come to our holiday party on December 15th.

Love, OHIJ

Mini-Video

2007-11-25T14:29:00.000-05:00

Hey, everyone!

I meant to put this video up here last month, sorry about that. Totally old news now - it's just a brief home video from our trip to the DWG which I tried to spice up on imovie with a few transitions! I'm awesome, I know. Anyway, try not to be annoyed by my ridiculous narration of the Gap.

Enjoy!

At the Gap

2007-10-30T00:33:00.001-04:00

Greetings everyone!

Moray and I just returned from our mini-vacation getway to the Delaware Water Gap! We had an great time, it's amazing how theraputic being around trees and air can be... We stayed at a wonderful little B&B called

Santosha on the Ridge,

owned by a lovely lady (and yoga teacher) named Leslie. She made us gourmet organic breakfasts, and gave us a super yoga class. I'm posting a few pictures below (and a mini home video), along with a link to Moray's website with some more pictures if anyone is interested...

The B&B was on top of a hill in Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA overlooking the Delaware River. The mountain we hiked is Mount Tammany in Worthington State Forest (part of the Delaware Water Gap recreational area), and it was an excellent hike if anyone is interested in some great nature (and only 1.5 hours away)! The view at the top overlooks the Delaware River and the gap between Mt. Tammany and Mt. Minsi, really beautiful as you will see below. Anyway, hope you all enjoy the photos!

The rest of the pictures are on Moray's site

here!

Love, Maria

(Groan.) I suppose I'll publicly congratulate my friend. (Sigh.)

2007-10-29T01:59:00.000-04:00

A reluctant congrats to Friend Sean, whose beloved Red Sox just won the World Series.

I, of course, am a little bummed. But it's good to know that you and Guiliani are happy.

As Promised...

2007-10-21T01:11:00.001-04:00

Well, closing day at Canco lofts, and good friends Matt VB and David Shenton joined us to check out some fine art!

...and lest a day go by when we aren't taking a picture of our cats... here's Basil hiding under the coffee table.

Hope you enjoyed!

:D

Love, Maria

Autumn Leaves

2007-10-16T13:27:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, it's fall... and though the leaves haven't exactly started changing yet (it's October 16th, I forget when this is supposed to happen), I thought I'd drop a line and share all things "Our House In Jersey".

Personally, I'm feeling much better now that my week-and-a-half-long cold is passing. Not only that, but I managed to get my Titanium Powerbook (c. Dec. 2001) back in action after having a minor meltdown (hard drive permanent failure), so I'm now feeling much more in control of my life.

Sigh, the modern era.

Speaking of technology, however, Moray has dragged me into the world of Facebook, and for any other users out there interested, we now have an OHIJ group established for all who live, have visited, or are generally interested in OHIJ. If any of you actually exist out there, find the group here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5720984132

I could make a link, but I'm not *that* modern.

In other news, Moray's exhibit was really cool- Beth Ann, Moray and myself went up to Canco Lofts to see the various shows happening there a couple weekends ago. They had a fun party in honor of the JC Artists Studio Tour - lots of food, beverages, and belly dancers. Nifty space, we'll have to go take pictures before the show ends this weekend... After that, we went to our new downtown establishment, Skinner's Loft, which completely blew us away. Beautiful restaurant, good beer, GORGEOUS food (please imagine Neil Diamond saying "gorgeous"). I felt like I'd left JC and ended up in Oz. The land of fairytales, not of HBO dramas. Just to clarify.

Hmmmm aside from that, listening to Radiohead's new "In Rainbows" non-stop. Waking up every day with a new song in my head... I'm a little obsessed. Been far too long since I've had anything I felt like listening to more than twice... Or anything that actually made me want to make music, for that matter. I'd love to rant on about all things Radiohead, but they've been blogged about enough this week...

One other side note, Carmen, mother of our landlady, stopped by a couple weeks ago to drop off a giant, delicious, amazing vat of seafood pasta. It was truly one of the most amazing things I've ever tasted. I'm not sure why she felt the need to bestow this beautiful thing upon us, but I (and Beth Ann, as we are the two fish eaters) am truly grateful. Yet one more reason I love our house in jersey.

-Maria

MSP expenses outstrip rate of inflation to top £10m

2007-10-05T14:16:00.000-04:00

Alright back to the ranting, everyone seems to be in a bad mood today (except me as my exhibition starts today), so the headline in 'the Scotsman' newspaper kind of ruffled a few feathers:

http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1590622007#new

it's in connection with over spending on MSP expenses. Now normally I wouldn't arse myself to comment on the 'shower o' shites' as they have come to be known, but you see I used to actually temp for the finance department who where supposed to 'double check' what the MSP's actually spent 'our' money on. Policing it as it where. YOU WOULD not believe what they get away with and whats worse is, WHAT THEY TRY to get away with, it would have every blogger on the planet giving birth to goats.

I was subsequently asked not to come back after a month as I asked too many questions. Go figure

Come on Scotland get the 'people power' going, it's what where good at, don't just ask for change make it happen!

ok, I

2007-09-19T15:51:00.000-04:00

am announcing the art exhibition which I am apart of and been rabbiting about for ages, held right here under the 'healthy' Autumnal skies of New York. I know most of you might not be able to make it, but I thought I would let you all know so no-one thinks I just spend my days in strange positions and upside-down (only about 75% of the time really). But also to stop you from being pissed at me for not letting you know.

Place:
Canco lofts
50 Dey Street
Jersey City, NJ

Time:
Weekends Friday - Sunday 11-5 p.m.
through September 21st - October 20th

Why?
Well, good question I haven't really been part of an exhibition for a few years so now seemed like the right time to do so. I have four pieces in this exhibition, all seascapes of sorts, here is a link to the images

http://gallery.mac.com/moray.watson#gallery

The exhibition is also being held in one of THE most amazing spaces I have seen in years, in fact it takes me back to my arty-farty Art school years. Very cool.

More:
To those folks who fancy a fall fling with some arty types there will be a Members Party on the 5th of October all are welcome, there are 44 featured artists, so will be intense. But interesting.

love
m

Our Friend David

2007-08-26T14:09:00.000-04:00

I always love to blog about my incredible friends and the wonderful things they do, but truth be told, I do not do it nearly enough! So today I shall dedicate my blogging endeavors to our dear friend David Shenton, who did something really incredible this week.

Brief background: David is husband of Erin, friend of many moons, and former college roomie at 527 Highland Ave in Bloomington, Indiana. When I first moved to NYC, Erin, along with Andi, Kristin, Tovah and Beth were all upstairs roomies at our place in queens. It was there that Erin met David (who was at that point living in London), fell in love, and thus, he moved here to be with the lovely lady, and pursue his musical endeavors state-side. They were married last October.

In any case, David decided this year to record his first album (being an excellent composer/pianist), called Sunnyside Blues. He went through a company called DiscMakers to get the cd reproduced... and it turned out they have a contest open to independent musicians, which is partially sponsored by Billboard Magazine. The grand prize is $50,000. Sooo, David decided to enter, and after his music was sent through various rounds, found himself one of the 6 finalists up for the prize! On Thursday, he was invited to play alongside 5 other musicians/bands, to compete in the finals in NYC.

All in all, this was a very strange contest. The judges, whom were supposedly "music industry people" (having worked for a major music publisher, I can only imagine what that means these days... failed plumber? Recent business school graduate? Child of retired former music industry persona with nothing better to do?), ranged in age from 18-22. The entire show, the judges sat in the back, getting drunk and paying zero attention to the bands that performed. The winning band, incidentally, Glint - was not a horrible band. In fact, they sounded a lot like most popular bands these days, with hints of early 90's brit-pop (especially the NYC singer with the astoundingly British accent), Interpol repeated-note bass-lines, whiny Robert Smith-like vocals, the Coldplay-ish keyboard figures... Truly astounding the way the managed to sound like every major band from the past 20 years, and yet offer absolutely nothing new. Not to mention the song where they all tried to harmonize with each other, while though a valiant effort, sounded slightly worse than our neighborhood on those spring nights when there's a feral cat around.

This in itself is not too surprising. The fact that no one in that band (or any of the preceding bands) would know what an extended tertian chord was if it crawled up their nose and ate their brain, is nothing less than expected. I think a few of us, knowing David's caliber, were hoping to hear some creative, interesting, beautiful music, since they'd managed to beat out a few thousand other musicians to get there. Somewhere, in the deepest corners of my mind, I'd always had this image of kids like myself, who loved music, who wanted to learn everything they could about it... who would grow and evolve musically, and give back something they'd worked extremely hard for... coming together in a retarded musical utopia that gave people's lives more meaning...

But that would assume the music industry is something other than the vile succubus it is, and I learned that lesson a long time ago. But enough of my pretentious rant! Sorry about that.

So, having now painted the glorious picture of the DiscMakers contest, I'd like to get back to David. Despite knowing what this contest was all about, despite the drunk twenty-somethings sitting around hitting on each other, despite the self-obsessed musicians handing out their free cds and stickers everywhere; David got up, sat at his keyboard, and played the absolute best he could in front of that crowd. David's music is truly representative of him. You hear it, and you can imagine him sitting writing it, thinking about translating Sunnyside into music, and incorporating his favorite things about music and the musicians he's loved as he goes along. As a performer, he was composed, charming as always, and completely engaging. In fact, it was very surreal - as David resolved certain passages, the crowd would roar just like they would at a rock concert after their favorite song, or at a sporting event after a great pass. This funny little NYC crowd was transformed, and people I'd never seen before were standing at the front of the crowd, cheering him on, hanging on every note.

His message came through. And after all, that IS what it's about.

So I'd just like to say congratulations David, for getting up there and showing Billboard Magazine what music is all about. We're so very proud of you!!!

Hay nobody ever listens to me

2007-08-21T16:19:00.000-04:00

how about this guy?

Weathering the Storm

2007-08-12T20:09:00.000-04:00

We’ve been called upon to blog about the recent rain events. I’m happy to do that, but something else needs to be addressed first. Well, not something else; everything else. I’ve been a lazy blogger, and not for lack of material. I can’t tell you how many times over the last few months I’ve thought to myself, “I should blog about that.” Because this state, this city, this HOUSE is full of hilarity, and that hilarity ought to be shared. So while I can’t possibly make up for months of blog neglect, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share at least a few highlights from NJ, JC, and OHIJ.

1. Earlier this year, Men’s Health Magazine ranked Jersey City 2nd on its list of cities with the safest drivers. I don’t mean to question the driving abilities of my friends and neighbors, but I imagine that this news raised the eyebrows of more than one local crossing guard. Had I blogged properly (or at all) about this at the time, I’d have described the way my usually happy-go-lucky friend Aaron turns into an angry alpha-male rage machine when he gets behind the wheel; the way people park their cars right up to the corner so that other drivers have to nose most of the way into an intersection to see if anyone’s coming; the way many drivers, accustomed to this inability to see if anyone’s coming, alert other drivers to their presence by aggressively laying on their horns as they run the stop signs; the way drivers on Newark Avenue (and I hate to say it, but it’s usually police officers) pull up quickly and suddenly onto the sidewalk — forcing law-abiding pedestrians such as myself to dodge out of the way — as though there is something going on at the dollar store that requires immediate JCPD presence.

So if Jersey City is the 2nd safest driving city, I can think of quite a few candidates for first place. Turns out the big winner was Des Moines, Iowa, whose drivers earned a big, fat A+.

My old home, Rochester, NY, ranked 23rd with a grade of B.

Kansas City got an F.

Boston got a B-minus.

If, like me, you have been in traffic in both Kansas City and Boston, you’re probably scratching your head right now, wondering what criteria the folks at Men’s Health could possibly have used to flunk Kansas City while sending Boston to the head (okay, near the head) of the class. According to the Men’s Health article, the authors looked at each city’s rate of fatal accidents; the number of deaths caused specifically by speeding; stats on accident frequency; and stats on seatbelt use. In other words, Men’s Health managed to rate driver safety in 100 U.S. cities without ever necessarily visiting those cities to observe the driving. I suspect they used a similar methodology in researching their piece on 12 Steps to Seduce a Woman, but that’s a whole other blog entry.

2. In April, our governor was critically injured when his driver, State Trooper Robert Rasinski, demonstrating safe driving techniques at over 90 mph, crashed into a guardrail. Governor Corzine now does PSAs promoting seat-belt use, which, fingers crossed, may help JC nudge Des Moines out of the coveted #1 spot on the safe driving cities list.

3. The US Postal Service recently saw fit to replace the mailbox on the corner of Jersey Avenue and 4th Street. While I appreciate the efforts of the USPS to keep the neighborhood looking nice, I can’t help but miss the old mailbox, which was adorned with graffiti that said, “Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name.”

I’m not saying that I like graffiti. Most of it is destructive, inspired by what I imagine are really boring stories:

"Baby, I love you so much that I’m gonna go to the hardware store and get some spray paint and write ‘Carl loves Brittany’ somewhere real special.”

“Put ‘forever’ after it, baby. But spell it with the number ‘4’ and a hyphen, like I did in your yearbook.”

But “Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name” on a mailbox? That’s graffiti that makes me think about its origins. For one thing, the mailbox sits outside of a church, which leads me to believe that the person who vandalized this particular piece of federal property is not one of the God-fearing people who shop the “Religious Candles” aisles at our local supermarkets. For another, it’s written in white, which leads me to believe that it was either pre-meditated graffiti or that the artist is a frequent vandal. I mean, who’s carrying around a white marker/paint pen/whatever? A black Sharpie is the tool I associate with spontaneous graffiti. I could be wrong.

At any rate, an anonymous blog reader notified us several months ago that Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name is a local band. The band’s MySpace page describes its style as “Blues/Thrash/Psychedelic,” which only makes the whole thing more intriguing to me, because, as you may be surprised to learn, I don’t know a lot about the Thrash genre or its fans.

I’m sure that most of the neighborhood is glad to see the old, rusty, graffiti-ed mailbox gone, or that they never even noticed it in the first place. But I think it had character. Not everything needs to be shiny and new.

4. One resident of Our House in Jersey has a small role in an original Tony Clomax production. I’ve seen the film, and it has forever changed me. While the film itself is not yet in wide release, you can see the trailer on YouTube. Or, heck, maybe I should post it right here for your convenience.

5. There are countless other things that I should write about — our many recent visitors, the week that Olivia and Basil went berserk and kept attacking each other for no apparent reason, our singing refrigerator repair man — but I need to get to the weather events of the past week.

Basically, three inches of rain flooded the subway system on Wednesday, leaving an awful lot of commuters stranded. Our friend Anthony was stuck on the PATH train (not part of the MTA and, notably, facing far less disruption than the New York lines) for an hour and a half, “standing under an aging hippie’s armpit.”

It’s not that the city’s drainage system can’t handle three inches of rain; it’s that it can’t handle three inches of rain that quickly. A slow and steady precipitation is manageable, but this disabling rain was fast and hard (I slept through it) … and the system simply isn’t equipped to deal with that.

For the record, I’ve heard that NYC has been quietly working on upgrading its drainage system for a while. But with this transit disruption occurring so closely after Minnesota’s bridge collapse, aging infrastructure has quickly become a hot topic around here (and everywhere, I’m sure). I wonder what the implications are for PlaNYC 2030, Mayor Bloomberg’s sustainability plan that addresses the aging infrastructure, an increasing population, and the environment. Will the plan be revised to focus even more closely on infrastructure? Will media attention to the issue prompt Albany to allocate more money to those sorts of projects?

Some Brooklyn neighborhoods were hit particularly hard by the storm, which uprooted trees and tore the roofs from several buildings. In fact, the National Weather Service confirmed that a tornado touched down. And if that weren’t enough, the lingering humidity made the afternoon especially hot. NYC and NJ opened cooling centers so that people, particularly seniors, could get out of the heat.

We had minor flooding on our first floor, which Maria & Moray cleaned up before I even knew it was there. (Thanks, guys.) Other than that, our household weathered the literal storm just fine.

it's finally over

2007-07-28T05:00:00.000-04:00

Crikey, it's 5 am and I've just finished the last Harry Potter book, how did that happen?

awful

2007-06-30T11:54:00.000-04:00

I don't know what’s more awful! The inane twittering, the negative bitchy men or the story itself ................. perhaps this modern day media Cerberus will divour itself and crap out another ‘fox’ puppy!

Two (Woo!)

2007-06-23T21:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary, Maria & Moray!!!! Two years!

Um, somebody downstairs just did a Cher impression. That's unrelated to your marital bliss, but I felt the need to document it.

What-er, what is it good for

2007-06-17T17:51:00.000-04:00

wow, it's been a slow month in here, I think it's time for a daily dose of guilt!

Passing on some interesting information with regards to water!. This information isn’t necessarily new, but it is important. So I am going to share and filter some information direct from ‘the Laughing Lotus’ website (the mother ship of all Yoga studio that I trained with in New York city) with regards to buying, selling and drinking water from plastic bottles.

love
m

WHY we will no longer be offering bottled water…

As we become more aware of the connections bottled water has to serious environmental issues, we are taking steps towards good environmental stewardship.

There are a few important things to understand about bottled water in terms of what it means for our health and the health of the planet:

1. Plastic is made of toxic chemicals. It leaches into the water.

“In simple terms, plastic is a petroleum-based mix of monomers that become polymers, to which additional chemicals are added for suppleness, inflammability, and other qualities.”

Many plastic drink containers are made with (PET) polyethylene terephthalate. Small amounts are released into the drinks. Studies have shown PET is carginogenic.

Harder plastic water bottles are made with Bisphenol A (BPA)

“Scientists are discovering it can wreak stunning havoc in the body.”

“Most alarming, these chemicals may disrupt the endocrine system—the delicately balanced set of hormones and glands that affect virtually every organ and cell—by mimicking the female hormone estrogen.” (Also you should know that nearly all cans contain a plastic liner made of BPA.)

2. Plastic never biodegrades, well practically, it’s with us for well over a hundred years.

It just breaks down into smaller pieces. Clear water bottles have to be made with new plastic (you can’t get a clean, clear plastic recycled plastic). With each recycling the materials degrade, and are more likely to leach into the substance it contains.

3. Plastic is polluting our oceans and waterways.

There are 46,000 pieces of plastic in every square mile of ocean. Marine life is suffering and the plastic is entering our food chain.

So the point is we don’t want to encourage the making of more plastic!!

4. Water it is the ecological basis of all life. Just as we have a right to life, to being alive, we have a right to water.

By buying water we participate in the privatization of water and promote its status as a commodity when it should be a public good, available to all.

Water is mother nature’s gift to us which we must take care of by being good water stewards!

Hardship

2007-06-04T00:16:00.000-04:00

Why am I delighted? 'Cause the Yankees just won the series vs. Boston.

Why have I been giggling for the past three hours? 'Cause one of the commentators made this remark, without a hint of sarcasm:

"It is a very tough thing to be a very rich, very handsome athlete today."

Yes, the very rich, very handsome athletes are a highly vulnerable population, yet their plight is, sadly, often overlooked. Anyone want to join me in organizing a 5K (possible event title: "The Athlete's Foot Race") to raise money and awareness for this important cause?

Picture Overload!

2007-05-30T23:56:00.000-04:00

For Beth Ann's dad... (and all else interested!) Here are some more pics of the Prentiss Club. I would like to mention that this is actually someone's house. You will notice the dog casually sleeping on the red couch! (also please notice the portrait of another dog in a girl's dress, very bizarre) I'll also put up some more random music pics. Enjoy!

-Maria

To your left, you'll see a dog painted lovingly in a tutu.

We couldn't fit the giant velvet canopy in this picture...

Roses... with dog

Random statue in entranceway

Random swan

Dining room

Green room

Most glamourous bathroom ever

Piano featured in furniture book (there's a giant sun carving above the pedals that makes it mostly unplayable, ironicaly)

Natchez

2007-05-23T18:42:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

Well, Moray and I are back from Mississippi, and a good time was had by all. David, Erin, Mark and I played 2 jazz concerts, one on Thursday, and one on Saturday. I'll post some pics below.

-Maria

My new hero

2007-04-22T01:32:00.000-04:00

'Hay Weehawken'!

Don't leave me stranded here!

2007-04-20T15:11:00.001-04:00

I can't get used to this lifestyle!

Sleep Quacomolito, sleep!

2007-04-16T10:59:00.000-04:00

Thank you 'Saturday night live', thank you ......... you really feel my pain!

Thank you, military people. Well, most of you.

2007-03-26T21:09:00.000-04:00

Today I read a fun little news item about a local military recruiter who was nasty to a local job hunter, who in turn was nasty to the recruiter, who became even nastier to the job hunter, who became slightly nastier to the recruiter, who became … well, you get the idea.

My second thought upon reading it (I'll skip my first thought) was, “Hmmm. That recruiter might benefit from some conflict de-escalation training.”

But then again, if the military knew how to deescalate conflict, they probably wouldn’t need recruiters in the first place.

(For the full story, click here. For the email exchange, simply get yourself some antacid and scroll down. I’ve copied and pasted from The Jersey Journal’s website so that you can be offended conveniently, without having to click on anything.)

Here's some of the email exchange
Monday, March 26, 2007

Here's some of the email exchange between Corey Andrew of Jersey City and Sgt. Marcia Ramode on Feb. 27 and March 1 as provided to The Jersey Journal by Andrew. Misspellings, capital letters and grammatical errors are as they appear in the emails:

Sgt. Ramode: My name is Marcia Ramode, and I am United States Army recruiter. I saw your resume on career builder and we have lots of vacant positions in Logistics, Administration...If interested please give me a call at my toll free number.

Andrew: Awesome! Sounds great! The US Military has so many vacant positions and opportunities. I had no idea. I'm seriously considering contacting you. One thing, I'm not up on current politics but since its 2007, I would imagine also that I am now able to serve in the US military as an openly gay man, right?

Ramode: WELL IF YOU ARE GAY WE DON'T TAKE YOU. YOU ARE CONSIDERED UNQUALIFIED.

Andrew: Wow! Unqualified to serve my country just because I'm gay? It's because they think I might all of a sudden desire one last kiss from my fellow male solider if ever facing death at the hands of the enemy in a fox hole, isn't?... Funny, the US Government doesn't mind taking my "gay" dollars every tax season or out of my paycheck every two weeks. I'm stunned that the US ARMY could afford to be so choosey when I see sergeants on my school campus and in the local shopping Mall...begging teenagers to enlist.

Ramode: YOU ARE DEFINITELY UNQUALIFIED, NOW TAKE YOU GAY SELF SOMEPLACE ELSE WE DO NOT TOLERATE GAY PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN ANY PART OF THE MILITARY. AND IF IT BOTHERS YOU PAYING TAXES THEN MIGRATE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY.... AND IF IT BOTHERS YOU ABOUT THE US MILITARY RECRUITING THEN YOU GO TELL THE BOARD OF EDUCATION .... AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RECRUITERS RECRUITING IN FRONT YOU HIGH SCHOOL THEN COMPLAIN TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OR BETTER YET TRY COMPLAINING TO MAYOR BLOOMBERG AND SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY... YOU SHOULD SAY THANK YOU MILITARY PEOPLE FOR WHAT YOU DO SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE A FREE LIFE IN THIS COUNTRY. FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.

Andrew: Before you go on waving your flag all over the place let me first inform you, that as an African American who's ancestry is most likely MORE deeply rooted in American history than yours ever will be...I respect the millions of soldiers fighting to protect my rights every day but just so you know, those rights include me being gay... I applaud servicemen and women everyday for their role in our country's protection. However, for you and the government to deem homosexuals "unqualified" to risk their own lives and defend their own freedom as well as their country's freedom, is moronic.

Ramode: OH I FORGOT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YES YOU MIGHT TO TRY TO KISS A SOLDIER IN THE FOXHOLE SO THAT IS A NO NO.

Andrew: You are living proof that "Don't Ask Don't tell" is a fallacy. You initially rejected me without any consideration whatsoever of my integrity, or abilities. This behavior is at the very core of the discrimination that has plagued the USA for decades. You should know that I never had any intention of joining the military; I simply wanted to have this discussion to prove a point. With over 2,500 cases of anti-gay harassment acts against gay soldiers, including bashings and murders, for you to say the US Military only takes "straights" is delusional.

Ramode: YOU HEAD OFF TO THE GAY LAND OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO MORALS AND GET RID OF YOURSELF. PERSONALLY I THINK BEING GAY IS DISGUSTING AND IMMORAL.... AS AN AFRICAN HAVE NO PLACE TO SAY YOUR ROOTS ARE DEEPLY ROOTED HERE. MY ROOTS ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOURS. YOU WERE BROUGHT HERE BEING YOUR WILL POWER WHEREAS MY ROOTS RUN FROM THE NATIVE AMERICAN INDIAN. I HAVE MORE RIGHTS HERE THAN YOU AND MY ROOTS HAVE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE BEFORE THE AMERICAS WERE DISCOVERED...YOU TAKE YOUR GAY A-- OFF SOMEPLACE AND GO TO SOME OTHER COUNTRY AND BADMOUTH THE MILITARY...TAKE YOUR A-- BACK WHERE YOU BELONG NOT HERE.

Andrew: Clearly with your limited vocabulary and poor spelling, the Army mayhave been the only option YOU had in life. Granted, there are highly intellectual people in the military. You're just not one of them. ...Native American history you are so proud of and research their position on homosexuality. They are very tolerant and accepting of homosexuals believing that the inner spirit is true to itself in its nature. They are less tolerant of fools than they are of homosexuals. So take that to your next rain dance.

Ramode: YOU GO BACK TO AFRICA AND DO YOUR GAY VOODOO LIMBO TANGO AND WANGO DANCE AND JUMP AROUND AND PRANCE AND RUN ALL OVER THE PLACE HALF NAKED THERE AND PRACTICE YOUR GAY MORALS OVER THERE THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG....I AM REPORTING YOU AS SPAM AND ADDING YOU TO MY BLOCK SENDER LIST SO I DO NOT HAVE TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN....

I love a good 'shat' in the morning

2007-03-21T11:40:00.000-04:00

not one, not two, but three Shatners, I love William Shatner, talk about a man who can do no wrong, he even managed to have his own TV show with the word 'hooker' in the title, talk about a crusader pushing envelopes!

I have been having a few flashbacks to some odd times in my life recently. I grew up watching the cheesy old star trek TV show and I’m starting to wonder if it may have coursed irreversible damage to who I am today. For some reason I keep doing William Shatner impressions. To all ‘would be singers’ out there who think they suck (or know they suck) this man gives you hope.

The final part of my ‘YouTube’ trilogy (be-warned there might be prequel’s)

yay, rock-et-man, give me this over pop idol any day!

He also now kinda looks like my dad, which is odd!

WHOA

2007-03-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

Bodyform.........

Bodyform...........

for you......... (note me doing a William Shatner impression of the song)

o yeah baby, you better believe it

immersed

2007-03-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

This is kind of an odd blog for me to make as I don’t really talk about Scotland so much, but for some reason I felt the need to share this video. It also kind of backs up my moan from an earlier blog concerning the weather. I have been missing the cloudy and moody weather of Scotland lately (although it is winter here) it is actually very difficult to actually see 'the sky' so I went walking in the annals of the internet and 'youtube' to find some inspiration (and not just for the ‘Wwooow-bodyform’ adverts for Aaron like usual, UK readers cringe with delight).
The video below is of the Edinburgh skyline, time-lapsed to show the wild and crazy sky that can be seen on an almost daily basis. You get the idea of the drama and the passion of movement, the dramatic and extreme light changes that influenced my childhood so much. The romantic tenure of my past really seems to have haunted and immersed my mind, my paintings and my Yoga practice of late.
Many times I’ve sat upon Arthur's seat and watched the rain clouds float by as the colours of green and blue merged into warm browns and on into the darkness as the sun sets over the distant hills. Many an evening I sat and watched the moon from my humble tenement window as the golden yellow sandstone buildings shine pale in the light against the dark overtones of the Gothic city streets. So excellently encapsulated by the Philip Glass music, it really does capture something that is unique to Scotland and Edinburgh that makes you actually miss the damp and cold.
Maybe it’s time for a trip back.........

it also captures that strange mystery cloud that emanates ominously like the 'eye of Sauron' over in Fife!

m

Failure to blog

2007-03-11T22:23:00.000-04:00

WARNING: This post is going to be a wordy mish-mash of miscellaneous household updates. Here goes.

I promised to blog about each of our Meatapalooza adventures, but I have failed. Oh, how I’ve failed. There have been six Meatapalooza events altogether, but I neglected to document the last four. Each was fabulous, of course, and worthy of its own lengthy and detailed write-up. But for the sake of time, I’m just going to summarize.

At Meatapalooza 3, we served stuffed sole. What was it stuffed with? Scallops and crab. I can’t remember what the sides were. (Maria, if you remember, will you post a comment?) At any rate, it was really good. I don’t always love fish, but apparently I enjoy it quite a bit when it’s stuffed with more fish. Hmm.

At Meatapalooza 4, we served Pan-Seared Filet Mignon with Red Bell Pepper, Tomato, and Basil Sauce. Maria pretty much took charge of the sauce, and she did a fantastic job. It was deeee-liiii-ciioouuus, with many vowels and an interesting spicy flavor. Again, I can’t remember what the sides were. Probably potatoes au gratin and a veggie. (Maria, once again, please comment if you remember any of this.)

At Meatapalooza 5, we served Pork Chops with Sweet-and-Sour Apples. This one was good, too. We’ve really gotten good at cooking meat, if I do say so myself. You may find this difficult to believe, but I have forgotten what the sides were. (Maria, I will not be offended if you just delete this post and redo it. Sheesh. I remember having broccolini and I remember having carrots, but I can’t remember which menus they were a part of.)

Meatapalooza 6 was bittersweet — not because of the chosen recipes, but because it was our last regular Meatapalooza event. We decided to revisit the Steak with Shallot-Merlot Sauce that we enjoyed so much at Meatapalooza 2. We served it up with potatoes and salad. (Thank goodness I can at least remember what we did a week ago.)

But the last regular Meatapalooza event is not the last Meatapalooza event. Oh, no. We still have boxes of burgers and hot dogs, which means we’re about to start planning … the Meatapalooza Finale!! We’ll keep you posted on that.

All Meatapalooza events are sponsored, of course, by my brother Jonathan.

So that’s the Meatapalooza update. Now, let's move on to: Aaron’s birthday! Many of y’all came out (no pun intended) for Aaron’s “Pretty, Pretty Princess Party” on February 3rd. Maria and I made two birthday cakes, one of which we failed to photograph because we were mostly focused on this drag queen Ken princess cake:

In addition to cake, the birthday boy received many fine gifts, including the Showgirls box set (which I can’t believe even exists) and two copies of The Devil Wears Prada. For those of you who weren’t able to attend, here are a few favorite photos from the evening:

So that’s the scoop on Aaron’s birthday. In other news, Moray’s father and sister came to visit in mid-February. They’re both adorable, and I hope they had a great time despite the insanely cold weather we were experiencing.

Aaron and I finally painted our office, nixing the bright white in favor of cozy shades called Warm Muffin and Falling Leaves.

Maria has been working her hinder off doing graphics for an event-planning company. By my estimation, she has done 623 events in the past 14 days. She deserves a nap.

Moray has been teaching yoga regularly, several times a week. You know that saying, “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach”? That saying does not apply to Moray. He can, he does, AND he teaches.

I’m sure I’m missing many things, but I think that’s enough household updates for now. I’m gonna finish up with a non-household item and send out a hearty “Good job, guys!” to Friends Susan and C.J., who played an excellent game of bocce yesterday. Susan, in particular, was really on her game and brought our team (the Beeyotcces) within an inch of victory. We hadn’t played in months, so, despite the loss, I’m quite proud of our performance.

Phew. I'm going to stop typing now.

Alec Wilder Centennial Concert

2007-03-11T22:21:00.000-04:00

A little delayed, but I wanted to mention Andi Smela and I are performing a few art songs at the upcoming Wilder Centennial Concert at Merkin Concert Hall (129 West 67th Street). We're doing 3 songs, "Have You Ever Crossed Over To Sneden's", "Vocalise #1", and "Blackberry Winter" (this one is arranged by yours truly). They are all really, really lovely songs, and Andi sings them beauuuutifully. Here's Judy's press release for those interested:

2007 IS ALEC WILDER CENTENNIAL YEAR

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
February 1, 2007

For more information contact
Judy Bell (212-594-9795)

NEW YORK, NY - The year 2007 commemorates the centennial of composer, Alec Wilder, an American original, and is already being celebrated worldwide with entire concerts and performances of Wilder’s music at colleges and universities planned throughout the United States, England, Italy and Australia. For information on how to present a Wilder centennial program or to learn more about this amazing man and his music, please go on-line to: www.alecwildercentennial.com

While tribute concerts have taken place in New York City for more than twenty consecutive years, Sunday, April 29th will be a special Centennial program honoring Mr. Wilder’s substantial music contributions at 6:30 pm in Merkin Hall, 67th St. west of Broadway. The concert is being organized by a small but intensely devoted following, known collectively as the Friends of Alec Wilder, dedicated to perpetuating the memory and life's work of this uncommon American composer.

Co- Honorary hosts for the program will be Rex Reed, legendary writer and critic and Harvey Phillips, former tuba virtuoso and founding member of the New York Brass Quintet. The program will include the Sonata No. 1 for Flute and Piano performed by Virginia Nanzetta and Suite No. 1 for Horn, Tuba and Piano played by David Jolley and Morris Kainuma as well as selected octets and art songs. Jackie Cain, vocalist, Gene Bertoncini, guitarist, and Bill Mays, pianist will represent Wilder’s jazz repertoire.

Alexander Lafayette Chew Wilder (1907-1980) was born in Rochester, New York. He studied composition and counterpoint privately at the Eastman School of Music, but as a composer was primarily self-taught. As a young man he moved to New York City and made the Algonquin Hotel – the renowned enclave of America’s brightest names in literature and art – his permanent residence, while traveling widely and often.

Uncompromising and always original, Wilder was a prolific writer who incorporated a unique blend of American musical traditions – among them jazz and the American popular song – and basic "classical" European forms and techniques in many forms: sonatas, suites, concertos, operas, ballets, art songs, woodwind quintets, brass quintets, jazz suites – and hundreds of popular songs. A member of the Songwriters’ Hall of Fame and author of American Popular Song 1900-1950, Wilder is remembered for his absolute independence and incorruptible integrity as a composer.

Mitch Miller and Frank Sinatra were initially responsible for introducing Wilder’s work to the public. It was Miller who organized the historic recordings of Wilder's octets beginning in 1939. Combining elements of classical chamber music, popular melodies and a jazz rhythm section, the octets became popular and eventually legendary – through these recordings. Wilder wrote over twenty octets, giving them whimsical titles such as "Neurotic Goldfish," "The Amorous Poltergeist," and "It’s Silk, Feel It."
Frank Sinatra, an early fan of Wilder's music and an avid supporter, persuaded Columbia Records to record some of Wilder's solo wind works with string orchestra for an album in 1945, with Sinatra conducting. The two men became life-long friends and Sinatra recorded many of Wilder's popular songs.

Wilder’s work enjoys broad appeal with a wide range of artists from classical to jazz musicians as well as popular singers by successfully appealing to their diverse styles and conceptions.

Our society likes to “label” or place composers in a category, but with Wilder this has always been a problem. Many times his music wasn't jazz enough for the "jazzers," or "highbrow," "classical" or "avant-garde" enough for the classical establishment. In essence, Wilder's music was so original that it didn't fit in any of the preordained musical slots and stylistic pigeonholes. His music was never out of vogue because, in effect, it was never in vogue, its non-stereotypical character virtually precluding any widespread acceptance. Most of his chamber music was unpublished until near the end of his life. A whole new generation of performers and audiences are now hearing many of his chamber works and songs for the first time as dozens of new CDs are continually being released.

No one will ever be sure just how much music Alec Wilder wrote. Sketches of music-sometimes entire pieces- have shown up in friends’ private collections now preserved in the Sibley Library, Eastman School of Music; many never reached performance or publication. Wilder’s printed music is available from his publishers: TRO The Richmond Organization (212-594-9795) and Shawnee Press, Inc. through its Margun Music catalog (800-962-8584). The abovementioned website provides a selected list of Wilder’s printed music and recordings.

It's people!

2007-03-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

Soylent green is made of people!

You have got to be F****** kidding me!

Human Genes in Your food

I like the quote (and there are a few) "If these pharmaceutical crops end up on consumers' plates, the consequences for our health could be devastating"

Scarier still, I have been reading the 'Daily Mail'

Thunder Lizard Continues To Be Thy Name

2007-02-27T22:44:00.000-05:00

The voice in my head is Alex Trebek's.

It doesn't sound like Alex Trebek, but it's definitely him. I know this because every now and then he wakes me up in the middle of the night to provide me with an answer for which I have to remember the question.

Alex: Ned
Me: What was Nancy Drew's boyfriend's name?
[pause]
Me: Oh! Ned Nickerson. That's right. Sheesh, I've been trying to remember that all day.
Alex: It's 4:21 a.m.
Me: $&^#.
Alex: I'm sorry. You didn't phrase that in the form of a question.

Of course, Alex only gives me an answer if he happens to have one. For the really tough questions I have to perform thorough and extensive research, often while I'm awake.

Take, for instance, this important question that began tickling my brain in the fall of 2005, when I'd just moved to Jersey City: What does "Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name" mean and why did somebody write it on a mailbox on Jersey Avenue?

Forgoing a review of literature, I immediately devised and implemented a comprehensive research plan to address this pressing question. Wasting no time, I took the following concrete steps:

1. Posting an entry to this blog in which I mentioned the mailbox graffiti.
2. Pointing out the graffiti to upwards of three visiting friends as we happened to walk by the mailbox.

I am pleased to report that my exhaustive efforts have led to success. I have determined what "Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name" is.

My first breakthrough came in December 2006 when somebody's Google search for "Thunder Lizard Be Thy Name" led him to our blog and in turn led me to the answer. I regret that I did not immediately report my findings.

Shortly thereafter, an anonymous tipster left a comment on the original blog entry, solving the mystery forever. Since Anonymous phrased it so well (as he/she always does, that master of poetry and prose), I shall simply quote him/her here:

"thunder lizard be thy name is a band from jersey city. sorry to end the mystery"

So there you have it. One of life's great unanswered questions, answered. Of course, this new insight only leads to more questions: What inspired the name? What kind of music do they play? Who are their influences? Where do they play? Will I be able to talk anyone into going to a show with me?

I'll take "Overthinking Trivial Things" for a thousand, Alex.

DOOO-DOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOOO

2007-02-27T14:13:00.000-05:00

the number you are calling has not been recognised!

major unearthly rumblings a foot, I am having to get a mobile, urch, can't even say it, a mob... .belch....mobil........vomit.........I'm getting a mobile...........................AARRggggg ............................... turning green,......................................................
......................phone,
so in retaliation I have chosen the most god awful and disgusting green coloured phone out of protest! If I have to succumb to modern life, I'm going to go down with my friggin ringer off.. and in a style of my own!

This blog is really here to get rid of the last one

2007-02-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

Feeling frustrated today, frustrated by the media, the world, the press and there behavior to Briteny spears (come on people it's not that interesting). The press not covering ‘real’ stories, also the democratic supporters arguing about which candidate is going to get all of their ‘hard earned’ fundraising money, Obama or Clinton (you just know you want these two to get together and make beautiful democracy together) but mainly the sun!
You know the sun when it’s up, seems to stay in ruffly (is this a real word or am I imagining it) the same place ALL year friggin round. I have to admit I am used to the extremes of Scotland, were it’s dark in the winter from 4.30 till at least 8am in the winter and light from about 5am till 1am in the morning. The sunshine might sound nice to you, but as an artist I find it very frustrating to paint. I need the drama in the sky, and the other seasonal colours to feel the under current of the time of year. Right now it feels more like June (except for the hideous cold)....... not the darkness of February. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy summer and the sunny days as much as the next person, but I also enjoy dull days, snowy days, rainy days autumn dusk days, spring sunshine days...........anything that isn’t sunshine EVery day. Hear me weather gods, give me rain......... even a dribble!

and crapper snappers I have to get a mobile phone...... I feel dirty, but I also feel poor

Also yay to me for finally getting back to my web site, all the paintings should be linked to larger images also it has had a bit of an overhaul, and a little faster.

m

Television

2007-02-20T15:24:00.000-05:00

the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation T.V. (note rage against the machine lyrics)

Ok I hate TV, more importantly at every instance I point this out to the other house inhabitants (yes even the cats) I get irritated, I get angry, even within 5 minutes of watching TV. Adverts make me sick (even the ridiculousness ones with smiling men suffering from erectile dysfunction), TV presenters make me squirm, and thats before you get to the News networks, which to be honest make me want to poke my eye out with a very rusty blunt object. I fail to find it inspirational, both from a creative and a spiritual point of view. So you can imagine my sadness when I read the following article (which I will copy and paste below), it turns out that TV might be almost as bad for you as crusty Mcnugget from a loathsome fast food 'crap-shack'. It also highlights my worst fears for the future of humanity .................. Celavi!

Children's TV 'is linked to cancer, autism, dementia'
FERGUS SHEPPARD (fsheppard@scotsman.com)

* Study shows ill-effects of TV more wide-ranging than initially thought
* Quantity of TV and age of children viewing key elements of study
* Time in front of computer screens also part of problem

Key quote
"It is the number of hours and the age at which they start which produces the biological effects. It is because of the medium, not the message, that these effects are occurring." - DR ARIC SIGMAN

Story in full IT HAS long been blamed for creating a nation of couch potatoes. But a new report today claims that Britain's love affair with television is causing far more damage - both physically and psychologically - than previously thought.

The findings have been compiled by Dr Aric Sigman, a psychologist who has previously written about the effects of television on the viewer. His report, analysing 35 different scientific studies carried out into television and its effect on the viewer, has identified 15 negative effects he claims can be blamed on watching television.

Among the most disturbing findings are the links he claims to have found between long hours of television viewing and cancer, autism and Alzheimer's.

The effects on children watching TV have been well publicised in Britain. Fears of a timebomb of obesity have sparked a wave of ministerial initiatives to promote sport and tackle the couch-potato lifestyle.

However, today's report suggests the consequences of television are far more serious. They range from myopia and attention deficit disorder to diabetes, autism, Alzheimer's and a generation whose brains are being numbed by on-screen imagery.

His report, published in the respected Biologist magazine, claims the problem with television lies in the length of time we spend in front of the set. For most people, watching television now takes up more time than any other single activity except work and sleep. According to the British Audience Research Bureau, by the age of 75 the average Briton will have spent more than 12 years of their life watching television.

Dr Sigman, an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society and author of Remotely Controlled: How Television Is Damaging Our Lives, said arguments over how educational programmes are were a distraction. He said: "The medical studies I have looked at are about the medium of television, irrespective of the programmes children are watching. It is the number of hours and the age at which they start which produces the biological effects. It is because of the medium, not the message, that these effects are occurring."

Dr Sigman's research draws from studies by groups including the American Academy of Paediatrics, Cornell University, Stanford University Medical Centre, the British Market Research Bureau and medical publications such as the Lancet and the Journal of Sleep Research.

The stage for the harm Dr Sigman believes television is doing is being set, he claims, by the vast amounts of it we watch - by the age of six, a child will already have spent one year in front of the television. When time in front of a computer is added, the psychologist claims watching a screen of some kind is the dominant activity for older children - those aged 11 to 15 now spend 55 per cent of their waking lives, or seven and a half hours a day, watching television and computers. According to today's report, that represents a 40 per cent rise in a decade.

Dr Sigman claims the battery of ill effects takes its toll on both body and mind. He claims the effect on the brain is not stimulating, but almost narcotic, numbing the areas of the brain stimulated by, for example, reading.

The influence of modern editing techniques - for example the rapid "jump cuts" - also plays its part. Attention spans fracture while at the same time, according to Dr Sigman, the brain is programmed to reward itself with the neurotransmitter dopamine for being able to cope with an onslaught of novelty on screen.

The litany of bodily ills Dr Sigman links to television makes for equally bleak reading. He associates it not only with obesity, but Alzheimer's, diabetes and even the breakdown of cells capable of healing wounds. Dr Sigman claims a significant body of research now points to television as a key factor in reducing levels of the hormone melatonin, the substance that regulates the body's internal clock and also governs the speed at which puberty develops.

Melatonin is produced at night and induces feelings of sleepiness. However, today's report suggests the bright light emitted by television screens may play a part in suppressing melatonin levels in the blood.

That syndrome may explain that adolescents who are glued to the television are tired out by more than watching late-night programmes.

The other crucial issue thrown up by melatonin, Dr Sigman says, is its link to puberty. The hormone also plays a key role in governing the onset of puberty, and its suppression may be paving the way for a generation of children to experience ever-earlier entries into adolescence.

That tendency can be traced back to the 1950s, according to the report, when television itself became a mass medium.

While the mass of research indexed by Dr Sigman goes heavily into physiology and biology, one conclusion may be more recognisable to general critics of TV - the suggestion that daytime TV and soaps virtually rot the brain. "The content of television - soap operas and talk shows - is also associated with poorer cognition in older women, including clinically significant cognitive impairment in attention, memory and psychomotor speed [reaction time]," he said.

Dr Sigman last night said the youngest children should be banned from watching TV at all, and introduced to it "judiciously" after that.

He added: "To allow children to continue to watch this much screen media is an abdication of parental responsibility - truly hands-off parenting."

In a reference to the crusade by celebrity TV chef Jamie Oliver, the academic added: "While society has shown alarm over school dinners, it has ignored the high-screen diet children have been consuming."

However, other critics last night suggested that not all time spent before a screen was bad.

Adrian Monck, a professor of journalism and media analyst at City University in London, said: "I certainly think the idea of banning young children from watching television is impractical.

"Television is part of growing up and what we need to be aware of is how children use that. Television, like everything, is something you have to take with a pinch of salt - I certainly think there is a good case for parents not using it as a substitute carer."

Pat Kane, a broadcaster and writer, said he also disagreed with "parking children in front of television or DVDs without some element of monitoring or even participation in the narrative".

However, Mr Kane cited programmes such as CBBC's Tracy Beaker - which is based on Jacqueline Wilson's novel about child in care - as a "fabulous" way of showing that "some children are facing problems with parents, lifestyle and economics".
OBESITY

TELEVISION viewing is directly related to and now considered an independent cause of obesity. Sitting in front of a screen commands an increasingly large part of children's lives and, Dr Sigman believes, has replaced physical activity for many. Inactivity can also overlap with poor diet.
HEALING

TELEVISION may be involved in alterations in the activity, size and consistency of skin immune cells. It may lead to an increase in the migration of "cutaneous immune system mast cells", parts of body tissue that play a key role in healing wounds and offering defence against disease.
HEART TROUBLE

TELEVISION can set the conditions for long-term cardiovascular illness, some research claims. The adult risk of raised cholesterol and the potential for heart disease is strongly linked to TV viewing habits formed in childhood and teenage years, setting up a store of problems for later life.
METABOLISM

A SIGNIFICANT relationship was found in which the metabolic rate decreased as average weekly hours of television viewing increased. Lowered metabolism leads to a reduced ability to burn fat. Combined with high-calorie food and drinks, it sets the stage for obesity and other health issues.
EYESIGHT

PERMANENT eyesight damage previously attributed to genetics is now being strongly linked to television-screen exposure. TV screens, or indeed computer screens, are blamed for a rising incidence of myopia as they demand long periods of fixed attention from the viewer.
ALZHEIMER'S

TELEVISION viewing between ages 20 to 60 is associated with the development of Alzheimer's disease: for each additional daily hour of television viewing, the associated risk of Alzheimer's disease development increases. Attention, memory and reaction time may also be affected.
ATTENTION SPAN

LONG periods of TV viewing may affect what are called the "neuronal mechanisms" behind attention and impulse control. This means damaging brain-cell development and the person's ability to concentrate on non-TV subjects. For children this could mean learning difficulties and attention disorders.
HORMONES

WATCHING television suppresses production of melatonin, a key hormone and powerful antioxidant that has important roles in the immune system, sleep/wake cycle and the onset of puberty. Melatonin regulates the body's internal clock but bright screens may interrupt production.
CANCER

REDUCED levels of melatonin may also result, Dr Sigman suggests, in a greater chance that cell DNA will produce cancer-causing mutations. Some doctors have speculated on a link between sleeplessness and cancer, which one expert suggested formed a "pathway from stress to disease".
EARLY PUBERTY

EXPOSURE to TV screens affects the melatonin levels of younger children, in particular at the onset of puberty. Girls are reaching puberty much earlier than in the 1950s, a fact critics of TV put down to reduced levels of melatonin. Animal studies link low melatonin levels to early puberty.
AUTISM

EARLY childhood television viewing may be an important factor in autism, which currently affects one in every 166 children. Dr Sigman quotes Cornell University, which last year published research suggesting television may be a trigger in young children with a tendency to the condition.
SLEEP

A SIGNIFICANT relationship was found between exposure to television and sleeping difficulties in different age groups ranging from infants to adults. Television viewing among infants and young children is independently associated with irregular sleep schedules.
HUNGER

THE lack of sleep ascribed to the effects of watching TV may directly increase appetite and body-fat production. Research suggests it could do this through alterations in the hormones leptin and ghrelin, which regulate feelings of being full and of hunger respectively.
BRAIN GROWTH

EVEN interactive media such as computer games have been associated with limited neurological activity. Watching television has been found by neuroscientists to be a "non-intellectually stimulating activity" for brain development. This was not found to be the case for reading.
DIABETES

DR SIGMAN'S report suggests TV viewing is directly related to and significantly raises the risk of abnormal glucose metabolism and new Type-two diabetes. This is linked to side-effects of a sedentary lifestyle and the kind of diet that can go with heavy TV watching, such as sweets and sugary drinks.
Bright light from sets may suppress sleep hormone

MELATONIN is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in the brain and plays a key role in regulating the body's internal clock.

The body manufactures it at night and rising levels of melatonin in the blood have the effect of inducing sleep.

One possibility is that the bright light given off by a television set suppresses the release of melatonin. If true, this action would suggest TV has a role in disrupting the sleep/wake cycle beyond the viewer merely staying up late to watch a particular programme.

Television's suppressive effect on melatonin in the human body is also believed by some researchers to explain ever-earlier instances of puberty in the western world. Since the 1950s, puberty has been spotted at increasingly early ages, a syndrome some claim stems from the arrival of TV.
'I'd rather go out and play than watch telly'

SAOIRSE Woolley has bucked the trend for children to spend hours glued to a TV screen.

She admitted she enjoys CBBC but said she'd rather be outside than watching television and doesn't even want a TV in her bedroom.

The bright and articulate ten-year-old, visiting Dynamic Earth in Edinburgh with father Chris, said: "I don't really watch TV that often. I like to read and I like to go out and do things."

Mr Woolley, 54, a jeweller from North Berwick, said he was surprised by the findings - particularly the statistics on how long the average child spends in front of the TV.

Kenny Notman said his two daughters' viewing time was rationed because it took time away from family activities.

The 42-year-old human resources manager from Edinburgh said he and his wife both worked, so family time was precious.

But he said he had no objection to Hayley, 13, and Anna, five, having a TV in their bedrooms. He added: "It's not the TV itself which is the problem, it's the parents who allow their children to watch too much of it."

And Anna added: "I do like the Tweenies, but I'd rather go out and play."

Social worker and mother-of-three Dawn Cameron said that there was an element of "scaremongering" over the TV health warnings.

She added: "It can also be relaxation and there seems to be a lot of emphasis on everything having to be educational these days. TV takes the blame for a lot of problems which may be related to poverty and other issues."

http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=265852007

Those damn words

2007-02-11T18:14:00.000-05:00

Here's my confession for the day: I, Maria Dessena, am not good with words. I do not have a particular gift for language. Admittedly, I can get around ok on a blog; I can occassionally retell events in an amusing way (like the dumpster story). But not without much thought and practice - it takes me a good hour to write a paragraph-long email to a friend, reading and editting, rewritting, reading, etc. And for a musician, I have a hard time being spontaneous with anything aside from pitch... At work, if I have to call someone, it takes a couple hours to get pumped up, and I have to fully write the conversation down ahead of time so I don't freeze when they answer "hello?".

That being said, I'd like to draw everyone's attention to 2 new blogs I've discovered this week: In a Cold Climate and Science for Sale, written by my college buddy and former roomie in Harlem, Ashley Shelby. SHE is good with words:

"Squeezer is a seventeen year old geriatric cat, who chews the fur off her flanks and who has become so amnesiac that she lets anyone and everyone pet her. When she first came into our home, Christmas of '91, she was, it was instantly agreed, my cat. She stayed up in my room, ate her meals there and used the litterbox that was placed in the linen closet between mine and Lacy's rooms. She never deigned to allow anyone else to fondle her. I went away to college and, later, New York, and she had to lower her standards. Soon, she and my mother were inseparable. First came the Squeezer pin-up calendars, filled with photos my mother had taken of the cat in various seasonal and holiday apparel. Then came commissioned paintings of the cat. Upstairs, in my old bedroom, my mother keeps box after box of photographs of Squeezer in various stages of repose. Coming across this stash is like coming across a foot fetishist's collection of women's shoes."

Having actually seen the Squeezer calendar, I was in stitches for a good ten minutes after I read that. That selection is from In A Cold Climate, Ashley's day-to-day blog.

Science for Sale is something else entirely:

"One of the most interesting pharmaceutical examples is the case of breast cancer research. Until quite recently, research focus has been limited to what are called “lifestyle” factors thought to lead to the disease: obesity, alcohol use, fat intake, and early detection. In fact, Breast Cancer Awareness month focuses entirely on early detection, and is funded by one of the world’s largest manufacturers of pesticides, pharmaceuticals, and plastics: Zeneca Pharmaceuticals. Zeneca earns more than $300 million a year in sales of acetochlor, a carcinogenic herbicide. It earns nearly $500 million a year from its bestselling cancer therapy drug, tamoxifen citrate. It operates eleven cancer treatment centers. When, in 2001, researchers with Cornell University suggested that environmental estrogens such as the chlorine compounds found in herbicides might cause breast cancer, the Chemical Manufacturers Association launched a million dollar P.R. campaign to discredit the research, calling it “a rejection of accepted scientific method.” While it’s rarely talked about, early detection is, ultimately, a stopgap method for managing breast cancer. However, research into causes of cancer that have to do with chemicals in the air and in the ground, as well as herbicides, is limited due to the vigorous attempts of those industries to squelch such inquiries."

I can't tell you how many times I've wondered how I got Hodgkin's. Aespestos? Pesticides in the crops outside Hornell? Genetics? Who knows. Has no one done the research? Considering Rochester is one of the top Cancer Cities in America, you'd think someone would. There's a strip of land outside Arkport, a giant field that used to be a lake until it was drained for farmland. A woman and a man, two neighbors, live across the street on a hill overlooking this farmland. One was treated for thyroid cancer, the other died from pancreatic cancer not long after. Another crop south of Hornell - home of my nieghbor's daughter, treated for breast cancer. Childhood friend, the same year I was treated, died of Leukemia.

Yes, people get cancer. People are treated. But to think that the same people that treat it are creating it?? Makes me want to scream.

In ANY case, ranting aside, I find comfort in the fact that Ashley can articulate things I only speculate about. Science for Sale is a well thought-out, well researched look into corporations funding scientific research that conveniently disproves anything that could incriminate them.

I am proud of Ashley.

dumb-du-dumb............

2007-02-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

"Britain is bored and disillusioned with politicians, not least Tony Blair. It is unimpressed by public services, despite the money Mr Blair has poured into them. It is cross about rising taxes and interest rates. It is concerned about social cohesion and frightened by its homegrown bombers. It is furious about the Iraq war and George Bush." - The Economist

felt sorry for the blog, so found some cheery filler, it has looked so lonely of late........ also trying to keep my British upper lip .....er....up......

or should I post about the phantom 'meatapalooza' (yes spell check you read that correctly) or should that be 'chicka-looza' did you you see what I did there....... hm.......hmm.......hmmm forget it, that one's purely for Mr Shenton. For some reason the hampered chicken vanished from our freezer, bizarre.

What have I been up to? lets see, I have been enjoying the local Jersey news service (compared to CNN which has become tragic and truly awful of late), it's a riot. Old school TV news, featuring amusing commentary, blowing wind clouds on the weather and mispronunciations a plenty. One of the many highlights has to be during the commercials (an advert to UK viewers) they announce the name of a random local district and say hello to it, as in 'Hello Hoboken' Which for some reason raises a laugh at every instant, namely when they blurt out 'Hello Elizabeth' when Beth-Ann is in the room. OK so January was a quiet month.

anyway hoped you enjoyed my blog filler, coming up next your yearly star signs (one month late, hay tomorrow never comes!) or perhaps your love stars for the 14th if I'm feeling mushy.

o' wait I remember what I'm blogging about, how could I forget, tomorrow is groundhog day, yay, so I would like you to raise a glass and a tip 'o' the hat to Punxsutawney Phil,

or possibly a dip into you dvd collection..........

yay Phil, I think Livia has a crush on you!

Meatapalooza: Week Two

2007-01-15T01:02:00.000-05:00

I’m addicted to some guy’s blog. I stumbled onto it because of a Jersey reference, and I've been sucked into it by sentences like this: “I always have a stack of papers in my life that I can’t throw away yet can’t put anywhere.” Who can’t relate to that? I’d encourage you to read about his pet gerbils or the time he started a fire while baking brownies, but I’m sure you’re much more interested in Meatapalooza.

"Meatapalooza" is what Maria and I have decided to call our weekly meat endeavors. Maria brilliantly came up with the name, and I’m so amused by it that I try and casually work it into conversations whenever possible. ("Excuse me, does this train go to Journal Square?" "Meatapalooza!" "What?" "Um,

no, it goes to Hoboken.")

Our second Meatapalooza event was on Thursday night, and the featured dish was Steak With Shallot-Merlot Sauce. We served it up with some au gratin potatoes and salad, and it looked like this:

Lest Moray’s dinner go undocumented, here’s a photo of his pasta:

And a photo of him enjoying his pasta:

And although Aaron did not eat dinner with us, he did enjoy a taste of potato:

I think I might have preferred a little less butter in the shallot-merlot sauce, but otherwise it was delicious. All in all, I’d call our second Meatapalooza event (sponsored, of course, by my brother Jonathan) a success.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go read about how some guy got cable.

Is the pen mightier than the curtain rod?

2007-01-09T23:16:00.000-05:00

Here’s a local news item about an aspiring robber who, when arrested on charges including possession of a firearm by a felon, said to the cops, "Man, it's only a (expletive) gun.”

I, for one, see his point. I mean, it’s not like it was a crossbow or a samurai sword, which are, judging by the rest of today’s headlines, the Jersey criminals’ weapons of choice.

Meanwhile, in Australia, folks are dealing with knives, baseball bats, metal poles, planks, branches, cricket bats, pick handles, screw drivers, golf clubs, curtain rods and glass bottles ... all at once.

Meat: It Does a Body Good. Hopefully.

2007-01-07T23:00:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, when we were both living in Rochester, Aaron said to me with great enthusiasm: "I'm going to send Maria a beef log!"

It was a Christmas gift. He bought it at a mall kiosk and mailed it to her at work so that she'd have to open it in front of her coworkers who, he hoped, would ask, "Oooh, what'd you get?" and she, he hoped, would have to reply, "A beef log."

Aaron thought it was hilarious, I thought it was hilarious, and Maria, thankfully, thought it was hilarious.

And now, I'm happy to say, I have firsthand knowledge of how funny it is to receive meat in the mail. My brother, Jonathan, send me a crate of meat for Christmas from a famous meat company that I would be happy to name on this blog if their marketing reps would like to negotiate product placement fees.

I was not at home when the meat arrived. My housemates graciously accepted the delivery and rearranged the fridge, lowering the shelves to accommodate the gigantic container. Maria wrote a note that said, "Beth Ann, Your brother sent you some ... perishables." She said that the funniest part of this gift is that, of the four people who live here, I seem like the least likely to receive a crate of meat in the mail. Even when you factor in that Moray and Aaron limit their meat intake.

Once I stopped giggling at the fact that I own a crate of meat (why is this so funny to me?), I began to embrace this opportunity to learn how to cook. I know how to cook a few things, but I've never tried to cook steak or pork chops or fish. Well, I tried to cook salmon once, but it was terrible.

Anyway, the pamphlet accompanying the meat says that it will stay fresh in the freezer for around three months. That gives Maria and me (the only ones in the house willing to consume the meat) a limited amount of time in which to work our way through the inventory. We've decided to prepare and eat meat together once a week, on Thursdays. This past Thursday was our first meat adventure. It was January 4th, which I think is appropriate because January 4th is my grandfather's birthday, and he was a real steak-and-potatoes kind of guy. He died nearly 14 years ago. Of a heart attack, actually.

But I digress. Our first meat adventure was very successful. We made Smoked Pork Chops with Onion-and-Cider Glaze, and it was quite delicious. Neither of us had ever made pork chops before. In fact, neither of us could even remember the last time we'd eaten pork chops. Oh, we also had steamed carrots and rice. And some excellent white wine that was left over from our New Year's party. It can't be all about the meat, you know.

Anyway, we plan to blog about our meat adventures so y'all can share in the excitement with us. But we're not sure how we should refer to this project. Operation Carnivore? Project Meat? Let us know what you think. And if anybody would like to send Moray and Aaron a crate of pasta, please know that they prefer organic varieties.

No Longer 'It'

2007-01-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

Mr. VanBrink called upon Our House In Jersey to: "Find the nearest book. Turn to page 123. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog. Name the book and the author, and tag three more folks."

Maria already tagged three more folks, so I'll skip that part.

The book nearest me at the moment is Soduko To Go!, compiled by Michael Mepham. The back cover boasts of the book's "New Portable Size", but it hasn't left my bedroom since the day I brought it home. As you might have guessed, there are very few sentences in this book. Page 123 features a puzzle solution.

So in the interest of participating in this very important activity, I'll flip to page 123 of the second nearest book. Here goes:

"Who could believe that his footfalls ever sounded on a lonely pavement? Who had heard the casual and familiar tones of Chester Arthur? Where was Harrison?"

That's from Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation, but she didn't write those lines. She's quoting from The Four Lost Men by Thomas Wolfe.

I inherited my copy of Assassination Vacation from Friends Heather and Sean, who know a good book when they read one. I'm really glad that this was the second nearest book, because it gives me an excuse to say how much I loved it. The author explores the assassinations of Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley by traveling to sites relevant to their lives and deaths, examining artifacts and statues, and chatting up the people she meets along the way. I have to admit, her writing style was tough for me to get used to (a bit rambling), and I had to reread a few passages because, by the time I got to the end of the passage, I'd forgotten what the beginning had been about. But once I got used to the style, I was able to appreciate this book for what it is: witty, insightful, and jam-packed with fascinating facts and anecdotes. I finished it months ago, and now I find myself occasionally rereading passages just because I want to. In fact, six or eight weeks ago, something compelled me to read a passage aloud to my housemates. It was this one:

"In the first summer of the Iraqi war, on the crabby, sweaty second day of a blackout that shut down the Northeast's power grid, I stood in line for questionable foodstuffs in my dark neighborhood deli. It reeked of souring milk. An annoyingly upbeat fellow-shopper chirped, 'Cheer up, everybody, we're part of history!' Maybe because I was suffering the effects of allergy eyes brought on the night before by trying to read by the light of lilac-scented candles about a political murder committed around the time of the Spanish-American War, I snapped at him. 'Sir,' I said, 'except for the people who were there that one day they discovered the polio vaccine, being part of history is rarely a good idea. History is one war after another with a bunch of murders and natural disasters in between.'"

Anger, Frustration............... Dognabit

2007-01-06T02:20:00.000-05:00

I have read a lot of crap in the news this week so much so that I’m now in denial that the world beyond my own vision is real, this really takes the biscuit!

and once again under FDA seal of approval! aah the FDA were will it stop, ridalin for Hamspters, skin care for snakes?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6236231.stm

Posting the whole thing to save confusion and further annoyances

US obese dogs to get diet pills

The world's first weight-loss drug for dogs has been approved by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

Slentrol, made by the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, is intended to significantly reduce the appetite and increase fat absorption in canines.

The FDA's head of veterinary medicine said the drug was a welcome addition to animal therapies because of an apparent increase in dog obesity in the US.

Americans own 65 million dogs and almost 40% of US households have one.

According to the FDA, veterinarians generally define a dog that weighs 20% more than its ideal weight as obese.

Surveys have found that approximately 5% of dogs in the US are obese, and another 20-30% are overweight, it says.

Slentrol is expected to be available in the spring and should cost between $1 and $2 a day, a Pfizer company spokeswoman said.

Side effects

The liquid drug appears to reduce the amount of fat a dog can absorb and also triggers a feeling of fullness, according to the FDA.

However, the prescription drug can also produce side effects, including loose stools, diarrhoea, vomiting, lethargy and loss of appetite.

As with humans, obesity can lead to diabetes along with heart and joint problems.

The drug will appeal to dog owners who want a fast and simple way to slim down their canine pets, Bonnie Beaver, a professor in veterinary medicine told AFP news agency.

"It's easy to say we will feed them less and exercise them more. Well, we know how well that works for us," she said.

o ah, hahah,ha..............ha .................*@#% off

Want my blogging opinion do ya?, Just walk them you lazy bastards!!!!!!!!!!!! The dogs health is the owners responsibility, if they can’t deal with it, then they shouldn’t be allowed to own one. This should not be allowed in any civilized society.

enough, enough, enough......................................... never heard such rubbish

The eternal struggle of man and beast

2007-01-05T00:32:00.000-05:00

or should that be 'woman and beast'?

hmmm......

As Democratic Senator Bob Kerry once said, “Clinton is an unusually good liar. Unusually good”
Before she left, however, it was Monica’s turn to be less than honest. The Kathleen Willey business had been bothering her, especially because Linda Tripp had told her Michael Isikoff was snooping around again.

Got you interested hasn't it, for further reading:

'Monica's Story', by Andrew Morton

Official "We've Been Tagged Post"

2007-01-04T13:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, first and foremost, why the heck is my picture now on the front page of our blog??? I did NOT do that. I followed the directions and switched our blog over to google, and now for some reason my pic shows up. For the record, I am NOT the only member of our house in Jersey!

Moving on, our blog was tagged by Matt Van Brink last night, and since it's been at least 10 years since I participated in any kind of chain letter-forward-type-thing (even these new-fangled 'blog forwards"), I though I'd try this one, since it sounds fun. In my defense, I feel this forward promotes learning by exposure to new ideas, and that is how I'm legitimizing my participation. And since there are 4 of us, hopefully the other members of OHIJ contribute as well. Now, here are the rules.

"Find the nearest book. Turn to page 123. Go to the fifth sentence on the page.
Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog. Name the book and the author, and tag three more folks."

And here is my reply. I swear to God this was the closest book to me.

"By filling out this form, you attest that you are a United States citizen and that you will be 18 years old on or before Election Day. (If you will not be 18 on or before Election Day but could pass for 18 and need some quick cash, fill out form V-18, available in basement room B-05 after 7 p.m. Ask for Carlo."

-"America (The Book) / A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction", by Jon Stewart, Ben Karlin & David Javerbaum (with a foreward by Thomas Jefferson)

So there. I shall now tag Sue, Brian, and Kate.

Have fun guys!

-Maria

Another New Years resolution:

2007-01-01T23:43:00.000-05:00

Positive thoughts for the day, almost every day in 2007, starting here

Day 1

yay for C town in Jersey City, you no longer smell!!

However there is always a yang

Negative thought of the day:

Day 1

What was that smell!!

Beans, Lemons, Gibblets, and Other Thoughts on a Year Gone By

2006-12-31T17:46:00.000-05:00

As a furry kitty, I feel that it is important, every now and then, to take stock of my current life (one of nine) and review the activities of the people who feed me. And what better time for reflection than December 31st? So here's what went down at My House In Jersey in 2006 (that's 12036 in kitty years).

Olivia and I will remember 12036 as The Year of the Bean. In January, the four humans who live here started spending a lot of time sitting at the table and handing each other cards with pictures of beans on them. We think it's some kind of game. But the game became an obsession, especially for Daddy and that guy with the pretty hair. Fortunately, the bean enthusiasm has tapered off a bit lately, leaving everyone with more time to dish out gibblets.

The guy with the great hair met his weight loss goal and has been proudly modeling new pants since the end of August. During August, the whole house smelled of lemons. I'm not sure if the two are related.

Also, the guy with the stunning and fabulous locks met his idol, Sandra Bernhardt, and saw Madonna in concert. He seemed very excited to have finally seen Madonna, and he came home with many purple souvenirs.

That lady who takes care of me and Olivia when Mommy & Daddy abandon us to do things that are apparently much more important than cuddling with us got promoted, joined a competitive bocce ball team called the Beeyotcces, and finally saw Erasure in concert. In August, she drove from sea to shining sea with Friends Heather, Sean, and Keith. It was while she was away that the house smelled like lemons. Maybe she's what neutralizes the lemon scent.

Mommy & Daddy abandoned us several times this year. Early in the year, they went to New England with no regard for the fact that my sister was recovering from major invasive surgery and wearing a lampshade-style neck collar. We heard that the trip was to a wedding, where they celebrated the love of Friends Mike and Heather. What a load of crap. Then, in May, they further neglected us by taking off to Natchez so that Mommy could play in a music festival. I didn't even know she could play the saxophone! Then, just last week, they left us for 10 WHOLE DAYS to spend the holidays with their "family". As though we're not their family. Hmmph. At least we didn't have to listen to six hours of Rufus Wainwright during a bumpy car trip like we did last year.

Daddy started standing on his head a lot. We think he does it professionally. Also, he got his greencard. Whatever that is. Sometimes he gets upset and starts yelling about a bush. I don't know which bush he's talking about, but Olivia and I would be willing to chew on it for him. Both he and Mommy spend a lot of time waving white sticks at their television screen. Olivia and I think they might be possessed by demons. But as long as the demons remember to feed us, it's all good.

There were many scary visitors at My House In Jersey this year, including a guy, another guy, a lady, another lady, and then another lady. And then another lady.

Two fish died in this house in 2006. You'd think the people woud have let us eat them, but they didn't. Also, Mommy's other cat (who lived with Grandma & Grandpa) passed away. Everyone was sad, except me and Olivia who know that she was only on her third life.

The house itself underwent some changes as Mommy, Daddy, and that other lady painted the living room and the dining room. It looks the same to me. Mommy and Daddy also painted our room and moved the furniture around. I like sleeping in the big chair in the corner. Also, Mommy and Daddy worked hard to make the garden pretty, which is fine with us as long as it doesn't keep the squirrels away.

As for Olivia and me, we are still in hot pursuit of that bird on a stick. I think 2007 is the year we finally catch it. Right now, though, we're getting ready to head upstairs and hide. Mommy is baking things and placing veggies on a platter, which usually means that a bunch of annoying people are going to come over to be loud and scary. So as a closing thought, I just want to give a shout out to my sister Olivia: Happy New Year, little sister! I bet I catch that bird before you do.

Wail while you wake

2006-12-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

and other possible titles for a small business in professional wailing

ok, my final rant of 2006

'F.D.A. Says Food From Cloned Animals Is Safe'

New York Times

Wtf
wTf
wtF
WTF
W.T.F

=

New years resolution: to finally become a full time vegetarian!

Lobbyists, lobbyists, will you ever learn that the world just doesn’t need you and your race of small minded business men/women, your fate will be the same as the rest of us.

second new years resolution: To finally join Peta

third new years resolution: set up a small business as a professional wailer for funerals

and now on a more positive note, GLOBAL problems attributed to climate change in 2006 include:

INDIA: Lohachara in the Bay of Bengal, submerged by rising sea levels, was the first inhabited island to be wiped out by global warming.

UK: Britain notched up its highest average temperature since records began in 1659.

EUROPE: The skiing industry in the Alps looks bleak after the warmest successive period for 500 years.

AFRICA: The Sahara desert continues to expand, turning farmland into sand and fueling civil war in Darfur, Sudan.

US VIRGIN ISLANDS: The Caribbean island group lost nearly half the coral reefs in study sites.

GREENLAND: Glaciers are melting, with a 250 per cent loss of ice.

AUSTRALIA: The bush-fire season is starting earlier and burning more fiercely.

Not to mention the 'Crack of Doom' in todays news

PS: I’m a realist, not a miserable bastard

My #46 tee shirt ...

2006-12-09T12:12:00.000-05:00

... is relevant again!

Only Really Applicable to Those Obsessed with Stephen Colbert

2006-12-01T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well, we weren't on tv! But a good time was had by all. I shall now report the highlights of our field trip to the Report.

We met the nicest woman in line with us named Suzanna who was born in Venezuela, but became a very successful Verizon employee and is now retired and living in Chapel Hill, N.C. I believe she is teaching math courses to MBAs at a University there. Anyway, she was obsessed with Stephen, and a pure joy to talk with. I was really surprised how varying his fans were. Anyway, Suzanna, her friend (who had never heard of Stephen Colbert) and the four of us all got to sit in the front row, lucky us!

The crowd was warmed up by a nice bald guy with a need to tell a lot of poop jokes, so Aaron and Moray were thoroughly amused. However, since a good portion of the audience was women over 50, he had to accommodate for taste, and ended up mostly picking on the audience at that point. Since we were in the front row, we (meaning all but myself) had some interaction with this guy; Beth Ann scared him by screaming "YEAH!" in the microphone really enthusiastically, he said Moray looked like an Eastern-European convict or something, and Aaron, who was the winner of the cameraman's tootsie-pop, got the most attention, since Bald Guy was mostly obsessed with Aaron's lovely locks. I believe he said "Your hair is really bothering me. I hope you have other problems in your life since you have such gorgeous hair," to which Aaron replied something like "I'm emotionally scarred and on medication." Except in a much funnier manner. Although quite honestly, I felt the worst for this poor frat guy who got a case of the runs, and had to leave in the middle of the warm up. Bald Guy had no problem addressing the state of his bowels when he returned from the bathroom.

Okay, so anyway, Stephen came out, and we were very lucky to watch the "toss" with Jon Stewart, usually that happens before the Colbert Report audience gets there. Stephen had never read his lines for that evening's toss, and didn't get through them the first time without dropping his head on his desk in a fit of the giggles. I believe the line was something like "Is your washing machine a danger to your children?" or something. Anyway, after that he hung out with the crowd a bit and answered questions "to humanize myself in your eyes", which was amusing. Then we in the front row got our hand-slaps as he ran back and forth, which we were very proud of. Sadly, he didn't do that in the actual taping, like he usually does, so we didn't end up on tv, har har.

So, if you are all still with me, I though the best part of the night was how awe-struck Suzanna was, and Stephen even stopped to shake hands with her at the end. What an adorable lady! I think her friend thought we were all insane. Oh well.

And that's my report on the Report!

Ciao, Maria

Field Trip!

2006-11-29T11:16:00.000-05:00

Today, November 29th, 2006, Our House In Jersey is taking a field trip to Comedy Central Studios for a taping of the Colbert Report! We're all very excited. Tonight's guest is Nora Ephron, who I am mostly unfamiliar with. If you're a Colbert fan, tune in tonight at 11:30 (or tomorrow at 8:30)to perhaps catch a glimpse of us cheering on the man himself. More likely you will at some point hear my louder-than-life guffaw somewhere in the background, which is entertaining enough.

-Maria

Maybe my backhand will improve.

2006-11-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

Twenty-five percent of our household had to work this weekend. Fifty percent of us participated in this important cultural event. Twenty-five percent of us don't understand what all the fuss is about, but intend to try out a fun-sounding tennis game. Tennis without having to wait for an available court at Hamilton Park? That's something 100% of us can get behind, I'm sure.

Terror Alert Level: Mac White with a hint of Chrome

2006-11-18T01:26:00.000-05:00

Our house's terror alert level is toggling between Mac White and Chrome, as Aaron has dropped his television on his ipod. His laptop remains only slightly damaged.

Calling anyone in the tri-state area

2006-11-08T12:10:00.000-05:00

Plug, plug, plug, pluggums

Teaching

I will be teaching Yoga at a brand spanking new studio in NYC:

518 Fifth Avenue, 2nd fl. (43rd street)
New York, NY 10036
212,642,4307

fist class will be on friday November 10th at 6pm

the class times after that will be:

Tuesday 6.30-8pm
Wednesday 12.15-1pm
Friday 12.15-1pm 6.30-8pm

Feel free to drop in.

for more info check out

www.kneadedbodyworks.com

or my website for updates

I'm Liz/Beth Ann, and I approve this baby!

2006-11-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

I've been itching to go visit my friend Kari ever since she had her latest baby in June. Last week, I finally went. And I just have to post some photos.

Here's Baby Aurora on Halloween, masquerading as a clown:

Here's Baby Aurora blowing spit bubbles, which is adorable now but will not be cute when she's older:

Here's Aurora's big sister, Indigo, masquerading as a ladybug on Halloween:

Here's Indigo enjoying a bottle in her properly-installed car seat:

I'll post a link to The Pardun Family Site for anyone who knows and loves Kari and her kids. But not for weirdos or stalkers. Weirdos and stalkers are not invited to visit The Pardun Family Site.

Lest we forget

2006-11-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

I swore I would stop sticking news stories on the blog, but I feel the need to pop this on

Robert Fisk

I also found the timing to coincide with the US election a tad distasteful, almost politically motivated and beneficial to certain parties.

Beck/Spoons/Puppets... Living on a prayer

2006-10-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

Went to see Beck the other night at the amazing ‘Loews’ cinema, and just had to share a few (youtube) video’s as it was an amazing gig:

And now for the best part of the show

For even more, check out
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=beck+loews&search=Search
I have to admit, youtube really is making it easy not to bother doing anything!

Conversation (abridged)

2006-10-19T23:43:00.000-04:00

You know how sometimes you see somebody in a crowd and you're SURE you know him/her, but you can't figure out how? It's tricky because you don't want to NOT approach somebody you DO know, but you don't want to interrupt somebody you DON'T know just to confirm that you don't know them. Or, worse, you don't want to interrupt somebody to determine that you DO know them, but remember during the course of the conversation that you really don't WANT to know them, and that's why you'd blocked them from your memory in the first place.

Anyway, I was at Lotus last night, and I kept noticing this insanely familiar-looking guy. After an hour of trying to figure it out, I finally walked up to him and his (I'm assuming, but I think it's a pretty safe assumption) partner and had the following highly memorable conversation, which I've edited to spare you the boring parts. I do want you to know, though, that he was not joking.

Me: Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you look so familiar to me. Do I know you?
Guy: Hmm. Well, let's see. Do you hang out in any crack dens in Harlem?
Me: Um. Well, I... N-no, I don't.
Guy: Huh. What about -- Do you volunteer at [a rehab center]?
Me: I don't, no.
Guy: Hmmm.
Me: Maybe we don't run in the same circles.
Guy: Maybe not.

Anyway, later in the evening I decided that he was familiar because he resembles an actor in a movie I've seen a half-dozen times. But I've since realized that I HAVE met this guy before, so my mind is at ease. And, no, I didn't meet him at a crack den.

I think to myself what a wonderful world...........

2006-10-18T01:03:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to do it, no comments for this one, in fact I will just copy and paste the whole snippet to save your index finger from all the effort it takes to click on a link:

Humanity to evolve 'goblin' underclass

Mankind's future will be split between a beautiful 'genetic elite' and an underclass of 'goblin' creatures, an expert has predicted.

Dr Oliver Curry, who has spent two months studying the ascent and descent of Man over the next 100 millennia, thinks the upper class will be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative.

But he forecasts an underclass evolved into dim-witted, ugly and squat people, the report said.

Dr Curry said that science and technology could create an ideal human habitat over the next 1,000 years which may spark a "monumental genetic hangover" in the subsequent millennia.

He said: "After that, things could get ugly, with the possible emergence of genetic 'haves' and 'have-nots'."

According to Dr Curry, the human race is likely to peak in the year 3,000, before collapsing into technology-driven decline.

Within a thousand years, humans will evolve into coffee-coloured giants between six and seven feet tall, with life spans extending to 120 years, he says.

In 10,000 years time, however, humans may have paid a genetic price for relying on technology and they could come to resemble domesticated animals.

Social skills could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect.

Much further into the future, sexual selection - being choosy about one's partner - was likely to create more and more genetic inequality.

The logical outcome would be two subspecies, "gracile" and "robust" humans representing the rich and poor from long ago in history.

Here is the same thing except with joyless adverts:

Humanity

Maybe that explains evolution denial! I was kind of hoping to be re-incarnated on the star ship enterprise.

There's more than one way to ... well, you know.

2006-10-15T14:51:00.000-04:00

I hate to impose my values on others, but I would have handled this orphaned kitty situation differently. You know, like finding them a home.

The New Yorker mocks me via email.

2006-10-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Elisabeth,

It's a caption-eat-caption world out there. But as a contestant in The New Yorker's Caption Contest, you already know that. And as a contributing cartoonist myself, and one who has yet to have a cartoon featured in the contest, I feel your pain.

I'd like to help by suggesting a technique I use to keep my own captions coming submission after submission, week after week.

Since I never "caption" a drawing, I can resubmit old drawings with new captions. So at the end of the month, around 39 unsold, uncaptioned drawings are added to the heap of my creative flotsam (sketches for ideas, ideas for sketches, old pastrami sandwiches, etc.).

Then, usually very early in the morning or late at night, I return to that stack of cartoons and just react to them. You'd be amazed how many different captions will bubble up, or how a flaccid line suddenly sharpens up.

So the original caption—"I'm sorry I'm such an apologist."

Might evolve into—"You're not even sorry about being an apologist."

Or...

"Get me some maybe men!"

Or...

"Being an apologist means always having to say you're sorry."

In other words, from failure comes fertilizer! Probably 34% of my submissions, and about 25% of my sales, are generated in this manner.

Try it yourself. Next contest, create a few captions, allow them to simmer overnight, and then revisit and react. And keep all those extras—you never know when an old caption might be perfect for a new cartoon.

But most importantly—don't give up the shtick. I've got a semi-fresh batch of tweaked, reworked, and fiddled-with drawings ready for the contest myself. All I ask is if my cartoon does make the back page, don't submit the line "Why aren't I drawn better?" I've already submitted that one.

Hope to see you in The New Yorker, soon.

Michael Shaw
Cartoonist

P. S. I'm happy to announce a new training tool that's also a box full of fun—The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Game. Playing it is the perfect way to keep your gag reflexes sharp. And at $34.95, it's only about twenty cents per captionless cartoon. What a deal.

This email was sent by:
The New Yorker Store
28 Wells Ave. Bldg. #3, 4th Fl.
Yonkers, NY 10701
USA

What......what...............whaattt....

2006-10-10T14:42:00.000-04:00

I got a tad carried away with the monster that is the KidsintheHall/youtube hybrid, I then stumbled upon this and felt the need to post:

I need someone to tell my why I find this so damn funny!

Is it the silly music, the fact that Bruce is in drag?, the fact that Scott Thompson is being the 'straight man', is it the Venus de Milo?......what?

I think my Spiritual Bank account might be overdrawn

2006-10-10T02:11:00.000-04:00

I’m continuing the trend to expose cultural stupidity and enhance the conformation that Humanity is de-evolving back into slime, here is an article of such worth, of such ridiculousness, of such complete and utter backwardness............ just read it

naughty nude

What will be next, banning conkers............. oh wait, Just read Britain is trying to!!!!!!!!!!!

naughty tree

I have a better idea, give em guns, tell them money is the best thing since sliced Bible, feed them fast food crap, sit them on their arses all day, till there so sterile and stupid that they believe anything the TV barks at them, yadda, yadaa yadda... rant... rant............. rant

On a lighter note, how to insult 2 Billion people in 2.3 minutes, while educating the kids with the 'Kids in the Hall' - Dr. Seuss Bible (Hay don't blame me, blame google, youtube is their dirty puppy now)

I burned the roof of my mouth on some uber-hot coffee today, and that's not even the worst of it. (My Official Whine Post.)

2006-10-08T21:58:00.000-04:00

Red Stripe and mojitos and Anchor Steam and vino make everything seem okay at the time. Which is why this didn't fully hit me until today. Moray, if you do our star signs again, please make mine a good one.

Can you have your irony and eat it, too?

2006-10-05T22:55:00.000-04:00

Despite my better judgment and the efforts of the Friendly Police Officer who visited my grade school in the mid-80s, I sometimes talk to strangers.

So I’m on the PATH train and the stranger to my left keeps leaning over me to get a better view of the newspaper that the stranger to my right is reading. The story is about the Yankees’ win over the Tigers in the first game of the ALDS. The stranger to my left says something out loud about it being a hell of a game, and I say something out loud about Jeter trying to suppress a smile after he hit his fifth. A conversation has begun.

Stranger tells me that he loves the Yankees and he loves New York. I seem like a nice girl, he says, but I’m nuts for living in New Jersey. Stranger is returning from his second or third venture into Jersey and, while the Garden State isn’t all bad, he sure doesn’t understand why anyone would want to live here when they could move across the river to New York.

I naively ask Stranger (whose shirt is wrinkled, hair is uncombed, and face is unshaven) what brought him to New Jersey. He says that he had a date last night. She was hot, and it went well. But there is no long-term relationship potential, Stranger tells me, because she is not a New Yorker.

Stranger has never wanted to live anywhere else but in New York. “I was born in New York, I went to school in New York, I work in New York, I live in New York,” he says. He vacations on Long Island. That’s as far away as he’s ever wanted to go, and as far away as he’s been.

I say, “It’s the Big Apple of your eye,” and I feel witty for a moment until I realize what a corny and dumb thing I’ve said.

I am okay in Stranger’s book because I at least have the good sense to WORK in New York. There are people, Stranger informs me, who have never even BEEN to New York. They live in other places throughout the country and the world, and they don’t know what they’re missing. “They don’t know much of anything, you know? They’ve never been anywhere, a lot of ‘em, except for whatever town they live in.” Stranger does not see the irony.

Stranger feels strongly that everyone should visit New York at some point in their lives. “Stop livin’ with your head up your @$$ and get yourself to the city and experience something” is the message Stranger wants to send to the people of the world.

Stranger and I have the same stop, and we walk together through the turnstiles and up the steps to the streets of – Finally! Stranger has been waiting all night! – New York.

“Nice talking to ya,” Stranger tells me, and we give each other a quick wave. He turns away from me and walks straight into a befuddled-looking guy who’s standing in the middle of the narrow sidewalk, oblivious to the fact that he’s disturbing the flow of pedestrian traffic.

“&*@%ing tourist,” says Stranger.

Presto-Change-o

2006-10-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

This week, it's time for something special. Now that we've been here over a year, Our House in Jersey decided it was time to give the downstairs a make-over! As much as we enjoyed 3 floors of white, pristine walls, we all agreed it was time for some color. Or colour.

Before:

Look how sad everyone is!!!

And now after:

Break out the whiskey! Now everyone's happy. Even Livia will hang out in the kitchen now. And look at that! Beth Ann's smile is just gleaming.

Now for the living room!

Before:

After:

We hope you've enjoyed this edition of "Our House in Jersey: Project Paint-Over".

The end!

Loews JC

2006-09-27T15:27:00.000-04:00

Hi, friends!

I haven't properly posted in a while, sorry about that. But thanks to soon-to-be-neighbor Deborah, we got to experience something really unique and wonderful this weekend. For her birthday, we all went to the Jersey City Loews up at Journal Square to see Vertigo.

But holy cow, not just any Loews. This is a 1920's palace theatre marvel. I've never been anywhere like it, not a lot in the city can compare... you really weren't sure what year it was. It's a work in progress, volunteers have been working to restore it since the mid 90's, and it is just astounding. There's still obviously a lot of work to be done, but these pictures should give you an idea of how jaw-droppingly beautiful this place is:

At the end of October, they are showing Nosferatu with live music! Moray, Matt and I saw this done in Prospect Park last summer, and it was a great experience, I'm deffinitely planning on going again. Also, they are working on installing the twin to their original organ, it looks amazing. Check out the website if anyone's insterested,

http://www.loewsjersey.org.

That is all!

-Maria

me: the times. they are a-changin' Rich: sing on, Bob Dylan.

2006-09-25T23:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not the first to say it: The internet has changed the world. When I think about the tremendous volume of information available to me, the potential to share ideas and interact with brilliant minds around the world, and the opportunity to effect positive social change, I become overwhelmed and have instant message conversations like this one:

Rich: well, anyway...I've had 4 hot dogs this year.
me: Year's not over yet.
Rich: and a Bratwurst in Milwaukee.

That is an actual exchange, copied and pasted with no alterations.

So what is the point of this blog entry? There are three points, actually:

1. The internet, like every medium, is useful only insofar as we choose to use it.
2. Anything can sound weird when taken out of context.
3. Friend Rich loves hot dogs but hates breakfast foods. He wants the world (not just his Cornell friends) to know.

...but i'm not good at talking like a pirate!!

2006-09-19T13:20:00.000-04:00

If you are like me, you love talking like a pirate. However, I've found most of my piratespeak is limited to "Yaaaar!" and "Avast! Ye 'fill in the blank derrogatory term'".

But I really want to make the most of talk like a pirate day. What do I do now?

Well, here's some advice from the official Talk Like a Pirate initiators:

But if you get caught in a predicament and need to act fast, here's another option:

that cleared a few things up for me.

Yaaar! I talk like a pirate everyday!! I am a pirate, you land-lubbin' blog-o-readin' fishmongers!

-pirate maria

It be time t' celebrate, matey!

2006-09-19T00:22:00.000-04:00

This blog entry goes out to my Dad, who left a comment indicating that he is just itching to know how our celebration went over the weekend. (Hi, Dad!) But alas, there are no fabulous party stories to report. Due to scheduling conflicts, we made the difficult decision to cancel Saturday night's festivities. Our lampshades remain un-disrupted.

But not to worry, revelers! Because today, September 19th, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr! Celebrate!

My favorite Talk Like a Pirate Day was about three years ago, when I had the following hilarious conversation with the CEO-equivalent of the place where I worked. As you read it, you have to imagine both of us laughing in a completely un-pirate fashion. I've edited for brevity, but here's the gist (jist?):

Me: Ahoy, me hearty!
Him: What? What are you doing now?
Me: It's Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Him: Pirate Day?
Me: Arrrr.
Him: Pirate Day?
Me: TALK Like a Pirate Day.
Him: What's Talk Like a Pirate Day?
Me: You talk like a pirate. All day.
Him: That's ridiculous. Who in the world does this?
Me: Lots of people. It's a national holiday. [Note: It's actually an International holiday, I've since discovered.]
Him: Well, then, then, then, well, then, why not have an Elephant Day?
Me: What would happen on Elephant Day, matey?
Him: I don't -- this is ridiculous. Who would celebrate a holiday like Pirate Day?
Me: Hey now. I don't make fun of YOUR holidays.
Him: [sigh]
Me: Do I have to go see [the HR representative]?
Him: This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Me: Arrrr!
Him: [groan]

Hee hee. That was the best response to Talk Like a Pirate Day I've seen so far.

Last year was a very understated Talk Like a Pirate Day for me, because I'd only started my job a few weeks before and I wasn't sure how my new coworkers would respond if the new girl showed up and started calling everyone scurvy dogs.

But this year I feel confident that my colleagues already think I'm nuts (actual quote from my boss: "There are going to be lots of really batty, wacky people there. You should come."). So I can't really do any career damage just by suggesting that ye walk the plank if the mail is late.

I plan to use the word "chumbucket" this year.

But first I have t' hit the sack. It be late.

7 Deadly Sins...got it, got it, need it, got it...

2006-09-14T01:32:00.000-04:00

So I recently was indulging in my favorite past time...cheesy TV shows on DVD...Charmed was the show Du Jour (I just love me some Shannon Doherty...or is it Shannen...who cares she is hot...kidding...I love her for her mind, that and she played Chad Allen's sister on "Our House" which also starred Wilfred Brimley of Quaker Oats fame, and of course she was the ever loveable Brenda Walsh on "90210" I need the DVD's! Do you remember the episode of 90210 when she was a waitress at The Peach Pit and she did it as "Laverne", I loved that episode...but I digress almost seven lines of typing and I am still in parentheses)
So any poop in Charmed they got infected with the Seven Deadly Sins...and as I watched I was like OH MY GOD (GOD being the operative word there) I realized I have like most of the symptoms!! I know what you are thinking, yes sometimes I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but this time it is really true!! Not like the time I thought I had an ovarian cyst that turned out to be gas...I am S.D.S positive

Envy: got it...That's why I don't go to the gym, HELLO!! I don't want to SEE that!! All these guys with these perfect bodies that I don't have and really want! Talk about coveting thy neighbor!!

Anger: got it...Another reason why I just don't go to the gym. Instead of finding motivation from those disgusting freaky people with hot bodies (or as I like to refer to them as the "Corpulently Challenged")! I end up hating them and wanting them to die! If I can't look like that no one will, off with there heads! Just call me "Mary Drama Queen of Scotts" Ps-I drive, take the subway, and walk around NYC...of course I have anger and high blood pressure!

Gluttony: got it...That's why I should really being using that gym membership that is hanging on my key chain. Actually I am trying out a new theory it is called "Working-Out by Osmosis, what I do is simply carry the card in my pocket this tricks my body into believing that I actually go to the gym. The Theory: "Work-Out Osmosis" occurs as a large amount of potential "work-out" from the semipermiable-gym-membernouship diffuses into a flabby body that is completely devoid of "work-out." It is all very ground breaking, So far I have gained 10 pounds but I am not getting discouraged because I am pretty sure that it is all muscle...(god I could really go for a slice of pizza right now ok make it a whole pizza...what did you say "buy one for regular price, four bucks, four bucks"...ok make it three...thats a deal and then I can have some for breakfast!!)
Also coming this fall my latest theory... "Workout By Proxy" the basic hypothesis is as follows...step 1: sign up for a year long gym membership...step 2: don't use the gym membership for the first six months...step 3: give your membership card to a good friend and let them use the gym for the next 6 months (if you have properly followed step 2, the people at the gym will have no clue what you actually look like hence assuming that your friend is really you) the result: because the membership is still in your name then your friend does all the work while you secretly reap the health benefits...now this may not seem fair to said friend...but he weighs 135 pounds and can't gain weight to save his life so I say fuck him...I need it more that he does!! see also-SLOTH

Lust: got it...I don't think this is the venue for me to chat about my naughty bits...but lets just say I have not obstained from the pleasures of the flesh...and I just rented "Guys Gone Wild: Dude Where's My Pants" (ok it was just for laughs...but still I think that counts as a little bit of sin)

Greed: got it...Defined as the desire for material wealth or gain. Ok I am not sure if I have that one. I mean I just want to be rich and own like alot of pointless stuff that I have no use for! Is that greed? I am thinking maybe it is! Oh yeah and by the way once I have all this pointless stuff, I am thinking that I probably don't really want to share it so much. But, that's not really greed so much as left over resent from when I was growing up and there was this kid named Jerry Walker who had unnaturally huge ears and an affinity for sneaking into my room and breaking all my toys! Well, you know that just left a nasty taste in my mouth (the toy breaking, not the ears they were just odd). I hate you Jerry Walker you freak!! You broke the wings off of my Voltron and I am still pissed about it!! And NOW you have ruined it for everybody else who comes along in MY life and wants to touch MY stuff and they can't because of you...and I hope you can live with that guilt!!

Sloth: got it...Well, this is what I do instead of GOING to the gym! Pure and simple if it can't be accomplished by hitting the "ON DEMAND" button on my universal remote control then I just can't be bothered by it! PS-what a great invention, I can control the whole universe without leaving my bed! That is like sloth, greed, and gluttony with a dollop of sour cream in a crispy tortilla shell, then a layer of cheese, and finished off with a flat bread taco shell. It is the "7-Layer Sin Cheesy Gordita Crunch" new from Taco Bell and it comes with your choice of salsa: mild, hot, or our new "Fires of Hell!" Now, if that is not piquant I just don't know what is. And, you don't even have to run for the border to pick it up. No, you can have it delivered! I like to have my food with an extra side of Sloth, so what I do when I order-in is I actually just leave a copy of my house key with the delivery boys and have them bring my meal to me right in bed!! (disclaimer--if you order your food this way, as I do...don't forget to ask for extra napkins...)

Pride: well yeah, duh of I course I have tons of...ummm...ummm...wait I don't think I have any pride...how is that possible...it specifically says that Pride is the sin from which all others arise...so how is it that I have none, I mean I have all the rest of them! Well poop, I guess have NO pride...I don't even think I have Gay Pride...all the colors have run out of my rainbow, I cut myself on a rusty upside down pink triangle, and I totally forgot to celebrate diversity.
Thank god, at least I am not a full blown sinner...that makes me feel a alot better...as long as I can remain Pride-free I can put off RSVP-ing my invitation to Hell...

to learn more about "The Seven Deadly Sins" here are my friends and yours the Gummi Bears...

1 or 2

2006-09-12T16:07:00.000-04:00

some recent photos

I had a dream

2006-09-05T12:05:00.000-04:00

Random, Random, with a splash of Random. Last night (or should I say with my schedule this morning) I had a dream well multiple dreams that cracked me up. First I had a dream I was walking down the street and met the "Pet Shop Boys" they were promoting their latest concert. I was super excited and took time to chat with them I made sure to tell them how much I admired and respected them... then I carried on with my walk. Then I had a dream that I recieved a package from ebay. It was an import version of Madonna's Immaculate Collection on tape...it had previously unreleased songs and the Re-Invention tour on video (which is also unreleased) how they got video on an audio tape is a mystery that only a dream can answer...I was super excited yet all I could think was how can I get this transferred to CD and DVD! That's all ;-)

21st cent-her-ry girl

2006-09-01T01:14:00.000-04:00

Quote of the day

"It's drink and girl-power. Everyone thinks of the Spice Girls being an empowering thing. Suddenly there is a collective view that girls are here to do everything they like, but unfortunately this also gives them the right to do stuff that is just as idiotic as men do." Vince Egan, a forensic psychologist at Glasgow Caledonian University

Sexy, real sexy

Apparently in a recent pole 92% of UK women also find me unattractive! (I think I got lucky)

also in the news; other things I like to do with my spare time other than poke fun at modern society;

1. Play scrabble
2. Watch Tom and Jerry (love the violence and smoking makes me feel like a real man)
3. And doing my best to avoid watching the rest of TV as it's to tame
4. ...
5. Note Sarky!

Yes I do exist...

2006-08-27T18:41:00.000-04:00

Hello,

In case there has been any question about this alleged fourth roomate. Does he exsist? Did he fall down a well? Has he locked himself in his room cut off from all technology except a TV, DVD Player, and a very extensive collection of TV shows on DVD? The answer is yes to all the above. I am alive! I did fall down a well for a brief stint...I am ok though...but I did meet the girl from "The Ring" while I was down there (the japanese one, not the american one) Side note, I have to tell you she was pleasant as punch...that movie did not do here justice at all, further proof how media can just tarnish someones character...what a sweetheart she was! I have also been watching way too many TV shows on DVD. However none of this excuses my negelect of the blog. I even had wireless down the well, in fact that is how I got out...I emailed Lassie (sassylassie_21@gmail.com), who in turn text messaged Timmy, who alerted the local authorities that I was stuck down the well. SO I totally could have blogged. But really I have just been pure lazy and I appologize.

So obviously I am bored at work...I mean I could be off saving people...but well, truth be told that has just become so dull. How many people can you save and not grow numb to it all. Superman, how do you do it. I imagine being a super hero is much like when I was on call at the hospital. The minute you make plans some dumb ass kid who wasn't listening to his mom falls into Niagra Falls. Then you get pissed because you just sat down to eat and Desperate Houewives is on in five minutes. Now you have to find a phone booth (which let me tell you is not easy these days...as I found out the other day when my cell phone died and I got lost on my way to a make up job...I could not find a working pay phone to save my life, let alone an actual booth) Then you have to rip a perfectly good suit for dramatic effect (and now that gets expensive and it is not like you get paid when your a super hero...you have to work some crappy day job where your boss is a mean verbally abusive butt hole and you are over worked and underpaid) Then you save the kid, he probably throws up on you and you have to pat him on the head, smile, act all happy, and pretend it was all in days work...when you really want to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper and tell him he is a stupid shit because it's not like his mom will punish him for not listening to her...NO she will give him a big hug and say "Thank-god your OK...and then she will buy him a new video I-pod to make up for the fact that she feels like a bad mother. Then you fly home your dinner is cold you, you were supposed to meet friends for cocktails but now they are all at home in bed, and you missed Desperate Housewives and you forgot to set the VCR to record it, that is right you still have a VCR because on your super hero salary you can't afford Tivo.

So anways like I said I am bored at work and feeling guilty for not blogging (because when I am bored I find the perfect thing to do is feel guilty about something) So I figured I would make up for old time with you kids and share some nonsense stories.

Enjoy...love and kisses,

A

PS-as always I am sorry for the poor use of punctuation ;-)

OUR HOUSE IN JERSEY celebrates 1 year!

2006-08-26T17:17:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been one year since the monkey ball competitions began. One year since Basil and Olivia started breaking various objects of all kinds. One year since Beth Ann drove a 26-ft (or maybe 28-ft?) truck 350 miles with fish all the way from Ra-cha-cha to Our House in Jersey. And it has been one year since we officially posted our first blog as husband, wife, and roomies. In celebration, we present the following:

oh, and also, a car on fire across the street. we didn't get the fire on tape, since it was scary and we were concerned. but we got the firemen cutting the trunk open.

We hope you have enjoyed this segment of weirdness. Beth Ann/Liz is presently doing her cross-country trip to Seattle with friends Heather and Sean, and when she returns, we are having a celebratory evening on Sept. 16th. All you faithful friends and readers are invited! If you need directions, let me know! Mark your calenders! I'll send out an obligatory email as well.

Hooray! Blogging is fun!

-love maria

Just can't get enough

2006-08-22T23:16:00.000-04:00

On a rampage roll today (or should that be a sesame seed bun), I read this article, re-read it, as usual was disgusted, then fascinated, then disgusted, then felt the need, (again) to share!

Mr Goodburger

feeling kind of strange towards micky-D-Donalds, could it be they have changed there ways, should I care if they sink into oblivion!

Nah

Comedy captured in time

2006-08-22T15:10:00.000-04:00

This is an email to remind myself of where I have come from. From time to time, I get lost in this ‘New World’ far from home, this big ol' country and its crazy ways. It’s good to come down to earth with a bump and see things haven’t changed as much in sunny Scotland (Viewer caution, this has nothing to do with phony Blair or anything miserable so you can sleep at ease, but you might start smoking!)

Tom And Jerry

Still just as barking mad as the rest of the world, a world where violence is regarded as ‘ok’ and smoking is regarded as the demon from hell, coming to suck you into a new arse hole of an abyss, where your daily torment will result in the end of all things, into a smoky chasm of your own addicted transporting Esq. nightmare, the soon to be poisoned youth will be lost, unable to live peacefully but happily kicking the crap out of each other, (Co’s that’s acceptable human behavior nowadays) where will it end, babies on roofs, politicians who work for nothing, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!!!

- madness

Pirate Politics - Part 2

2006-08-22T15:06:00.000-04:00

Yee-haw, is not an Education policy

Evo-Polution

Jesus might be!

A night on the Streep

2006-08-21T13:39:00.000-04:00

I think I can safely say that everyone in the house thinks that Meryl Streep rocks!!!

If you play this blog backwards, it says "Aaron is dead." But it's not true.

2006-08-18T00:12:00.000-04:00

The purpose of this post is to reassure y'all that Aaron Jerome does, in fact, still live here. It occurred to us at dinner tonight that his failure to blog for many months may have given the misleading impression that he left Our House In Jersey to be a glittering backup dancer on the next Cher-well tour. But he's here, he's alive, he's well, he's cracking us up as usual. Earlier tonight he made us dinner (while singing "Me and Bobby McGee" in the style of Cher), and even set fresh flowers on the table. Following dinner, we had a screening of "Daddy's Pride and Joy", a short film in which Aaron has a cameo. At the risk of sounding like James Lipton, I think I can safely say that this is the greatest film ever made. Following THAT, he and I spent some time flipping through his notebooks of stand-up comedy ideas (he's working on a show), which include random scrawled phrases like "vomit sneeze" and "nipples askew".

During the course of the evening, Aaron gave me permission to share with you this little glimpse into our house (in Jersey). It's a running list we keep on the fridge. So without further ado, we present:

The Gayest Things Aaron Has Ever Said

#7. "C'mon, finish up. The Golden Girls are on Lifetime at 10:30. Back-to-back episodes, followed by the Designing Women."

#6. "I should've known that wasn't Barbra Streisand. I've seen all her movies."

#5. "Let's go fabric shopping and scent shopping!"

#4. "Those will be really good for potpourri!"

#3. "I can't believe I went through three episodes of Wonder Woman while I was decoupaging."

#2. "He looked just like Barbra Streisand's son."

And the #1 Gayest Thing Aaron Has Ever Said (and it should be noted that he blurted it out during a commercial break at a Super Bowl party full of straight men) ...

"Oh my God! Bette Midler looks so good! She has lost sooo much weight!"