Monday, October 23, 2006

Beck/Spoons/Puppets... Living on a prayer

Went to see Beck the other night at the amazing ‘Loews’ cinema, and just had to share a few (youtube) video’s as it was an amazing gig:



And now for the best part of the show


For even more, check out
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=beck+loews&search=Search
I have to admit, youtube really is making it easy not to bother doing anything!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Conversation (abridged)

You know how sometimes you see somebody in a crowd and you're SURE you know him/her, but you can't figure out how? It's tricky because you don't want to NOT approach somebody you DO know, but you don't want to interrupt somebody you DON'T know just to confirm that you don't know them. Or, worse, you don't want to interrupt somebody to determine that you DO know them, but remember during the course of the conversation that you really don't WANT to know them, and that's why you'd blocked them from your memory in the first place.

Anyway, I was at Lotus last night, and I kept noticing this insanely familiar-looking guy. After an hour of trying to figure it out, I finally walked up to him and his (I'm assuming, but I think it's a pretty safe assumption) partner and had the following highly memorable conversation, which I've edited to spare you the boring parts. I do want you to know, though, that he was not joking.

Me: Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you look so familiar to me. Do I know you?
Guy: Hmm. Well, let's see. Do you hang out in any crack dens in Harlem?
Me: Um. Well, I... N-no, I don't.
Guy: Huh. What about -- Do you volunteer at [a rehab center]?
Me: I don't, no.
Guy: Hmmm.
Me: Maybe we don't run in the same circles.
Guy: Maybe not.

Anyway, later in the evening I decided that he was familiar because he resembles an actor in a movie I've seen a half-dozen times. But I've since realized that I HAVE met this guy before, so my mind is at ease. And, no, I didn't meet him at a crack den.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I think to myself what a wonderful world...........


I'm not going to do it, no comments for this one, in fact I will just copy and paste the whole snippet to save your index finger from all the effort it takes to click on a link:


Humanity to evolve 'goblin' underclass


Mankind's future will be split between a beautiful 'genetic elite' and an underclass of 'goblin' creatures, an expert has predicted.

Dr Oliver Curry, who has spent two months studying the ascent and descent of Man over the next 100 millennia, thinks the upper class will be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative.

But he forecasts an underclass evolved into dim-witted, ugly and squat people, the report said.

Dr Curry said that science and technology could create an ideal human habitat over the next 1,000 years which may spark a "monumental genetic hangover" in the subsequent millennia.

He said: "After that, things could get ugly, with the possible emergence of genetic 'haves' and 'have-nots'."

According to Dr Curry, the human race is likely to peak in the year 3,000, before collapsing into technology-driven decline.

Within a thousand years, humans will evolve into coffee-coloured giants between six and seven feet tall, with life spans extending to 120 years, he says.

In 10,000 years time, however, humans may have paid a genetic price for relying on technology and they could come to resemble domesticated animals.

Social skills could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect.

Much further into the future, sexual selection - being choosy about one's partner - was likely to create more and more genetic inequality.

The logical outcome would be two subspecies, "gracile" and "robust" humans representing the rich and poor from long ago in history.


Here is the same thing except with joyless adverts:
  • Humanity

  • Maybe that explains evolution denial! I was kind of hoping to be re-incarnated on the star ship enterprise.

    Sunday, October 15, 2006

    There's more than one way to ... well, you know.

    I hate to impose my values on others, but I would have handled this orphaned kitty situation differently. You know, like finding them a home.

    Thursday, October 12, 2006

    The New Yorker mocks me via email.

    Dear Elisabeth,

    It's a caption-eat-caption world out there. But as a contestant in The New Yorker's Caption Contest, you already know that. And as a contributing cartoonist myself, and one who has yet to have a cartoon featured in the contest, I feel your pain.

    I'd like to help by suggesting a technique I use to keep my own captions coming submission after submission, week after week.

    Since I never "caption" a drawing, I can resubmit old drawings with new captions. So at the end of the month, around 39 unsold, uncaptioned drawings are added to the heap of my creative flotsam (sketches for ideas, ideas for sketches, old pastrami sandwiches, etc.).

    Then, usually very early in the morning or late at night, I return to that stack of cartoons and just react to them. You'd be amazed how many different captions will bubble up, or how a flaccid line suddenly sharpens up.

    So the original caption—"I'm sorry I'm such an apologist."

    Might evolve into—"You're not even sorry about being an apologist."

    Or...

    "Get me some maybe men!"

    Or...

    "Being an apologist means always having to say you're sorry."

    In other words, from failure comes fertilizer! Probably 34% of my submissions, and about 25% of my sales, are generated in this manner.

    Try it yourself. Next contest, create a few captions, allow them to simmer overnight, and then revisit and react. And keep all those extras—you never know when an old caption might be perfect for a new cartoon.

    But most importantly—don't give up the shtick. I've got a semi-fresh batch of tweaked, reworked, and fiddled-with drawings ready for the contest myself. All I ask is if my cartoon does make the back page, don't submit the line "Why aren't I drawn better?" I've already submitted that one.

    Hope to see you in The New Yorker, soon.

    Michael Shaw
    Cartoonist

    P. S. I'm happy to announce a new training tool that's also a box full of fun—The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Game. Playing it is the perfect way to keep your gag reflexes sharp. And at $34.95, it's only about twenty cents per captionless cartoon. What a deal.



    This email was sent by:
    The New Yorker Store
    28 Wells Ave. Bldg. #3, 4th Fl.
    Yonkers, NY 10701
    USA

    Tuesday, October 10, 2006

    What......what...............whaattt....

    I got a tad carried away with the monster that is the KidsintheHall/youtube hybrid, I then stumbled upon this and felt the need to post:



    I need someone to tell my why I find this so damn funny!

    Is it the silly music, the fact that Bruce is in drag?, the fact that Scott Thompson is being the 'straight man', is it the Venus de Milo?......what?

    I think my Spiritual Bank account might be overdrawn

    I’m continuing the trend to expose cultural stupidity and enhance the conformation that Humanity is de-evolving back into slime, here is an article of such worth, of such ridiculousness, of such complete and utter backwardness............ just read it

  • naughty nude


  • What will be next, banning conkers............. oh wait, Just read Britain is trying to!!!!!!!!!!!

  • naughty tree


  • I have a better idea, give em guns, tell them money is the best thing since sliced Bible, feed them fast food crap, sit them on their arses all day, till there so sterile and stupid that they believe anything the TV barks at them, yadda, yadaa yadda... rant... rant............. rant

    On a lighter note, how to insult 2 Billion people in 2.3 minutes, while educating the kids with the 'Kids in the Hall' - Dr. Seuss Bible (Hay don't blame me, blame google, youtube is their dirty puppy now)

    Sunday, October 08, 2006

    I burned the roof of my mouth on some uber-hot coffee today, and that's not even the worst of it. (My Official Whine Post.)

    Red Stripe and mojitos and Anchor Steam and vino make everything seem okay at the time. Which is why this didn't fully hit me until today. Moray, if you do our star signs again, please make mine a good one.

    Thursday, October 05, 2006

    Can you have your irony and eat it, too?

    Despite my better judgment and the efforts of the Friendly Police Officer who visited my grade school in the mid-80s, I sometimes talk to strangers.

    So I’m on the PATH train and the stranger to my left keeps leaning over me to get a better view of the newspaper that the stranger to my right is reading. The story is about the Yankees’ win over the Tigers in the first game of the ALDS. The stranger to my left says something out loud about it being a hell of a game, and I say something out loud about Jeter trying to suppress a smile after he hit his fifth. A conversation has begun.

    Stranger tells me that he loves the Yankees and he loves New York. I seem like a nice girl, he says, but I’m nuts for living in New Jersey. Stranger is returning from his second or third venture into Jersey and, while the Garden State isn’t all bad, he sure doesn’t understand why anyone would want to live here when they could move across the river to New York.

    I naively ask Stranger (whose shirt is wrinkled, hair is uncombed, and face is unshaven) what brought him to New Jersey. He says that he had a date last night. She was hot, and it went well. But there is no long-term relationship potential, Stranger tells me, because she is not a New Yorker.

    Stranger has never wanted to live anywhere else but in New York. “I was born in New York, I went to school in New York, I work in New York, I live in New York,” he says. He vacations on Long Island. That’s as far away as he’s ever wanted to go, and as far away as he’s been.

    I say, “It’s the Big Apple of your eye,” and I feel witty for a moment until I realize what a corny and dumb thing I’ve said.

    I am okay in Stranger’s book because I at least have the good sense to WORK in New York. There are people, Stranger informs me, who have never even BEEN to New York. They live in other places throughout the country and the world, and they don’t know what they’re missing. “They don’t know much of anything, you know? They’ve never been anywhere, a lot of ‘em, except for whatever town they live in.” Stranger does not see the irony.

    Stranger feels strongly that everyone should visit New York at some point in their lives. “Stop livin’ with your head up your @$$ and get yourself to the city and experience something” is the message Stranger wants to send to the people of the world.

    Stranger and I have the same stop, and we walk together through the turnstiles and up the steps to the streets of – Finally! Stranger has been waiting all night! – New York.

    “Nice talking to ya,” Stranger tells me, and we give each other a quick wave. He turns away from me and walks straight into a befuddled-looking guy who’s standing in the middle of the narrow sidewalk, oblivious to the fact that he’s disturbing the flow of pedestrian traffic.

    “&*@%ing tourist,” says Stranger.

    Presto-Change-o

    This week, it's time for something special. Now that we've been here over a year, Our House in Jersey decided it was time to give the downstairs a make-over! As much as we enjoyed 3 floors of white, pristine walls, we all agreed it was time for some color. Or colour.

    Before:



    Look how sad everyone is!!!

    And now after:



    Break out the whiskey! Now everyone's happy. Even Livia will hang out in the kitchen now. And look at that! Beth Ann's smile is just gleaming.

    Now for the living room!

    Before:



    After:



    We hope you've enjoyed this edition of "Our House in Jersey: Project Paint-Over".

    The end!

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