You can take the girl out of Florida...

If you're gonna read an article about the recent gator attacks in Florida (and I'm not suggesting that you need to), please make it this one. It's the least alarmist one I've seen, and even acknowledges that (1) alligator-related fatalities are few and far between, and (2) the attacks that do occur are usually man's fault. What do we expect, dangling our feet in the water that has become their default home after we've sacrificed the wetlands to the real estate development gods?

Boy, this blog just gets more and more interesting, doesn't it?

You know how certain smells can jog really vivid memories of things you never think about? Grove Street is currently featuring an odor that takes me back to the weeks in high school bio when we dissected fetal pigs.

I'd write a caption for this post, but it would probably just be rejected.

The #@&&^## caption contest people at The #&!#(&## New Yorker have gone too far. These people have the nerve -- the NERVE -- to try and use my failure to sell me something. Here, cut and pasted directly from my email box, is what the #!$&!@#*s sent me. And I don't even think they sent it just to me -- I think they sent it to LOTS of people. Jerks.



Greetings Elisabeth,

Captions are funny things. Hopefully. Here's one of mine -





As a continuing and semi-regular contributor of cartoons to The New Yorker, I'd like to thank you personally for your heroically humorous efforts in the caption contest. If you've won, congratulations! If not, you're still in very inspiring company. To wit—

There have been over 300,000 entries to this point. We've had a variety of entrants, from noted film critic Roger Ebert to local celebrity Edward Surek of Sheboygan, Wisconsin (my father-in-law). Neither has won yet, but keep up the good work.

Trust me, it's not easy being funny (or getting published). You might be interested to know that I average about 40 submissions for every one published. Plus, I've yet to have a cartoon grace the caption contest. But I'm not giving up and neither should you! Perhaps one day my cartoon and your caption will become one. I'm misting up just thinking about it. So take pleasure in your glorious caption quest and know that the cartoon gurus at the home office appreciate your efforts, as do the cartoonists. (After all, without you, there is no caption contest.)

So, good luck and keep those courageous captions coming!

Best wishes,

Michael Shaw
Cartoon Contributor, The New Yorker

P. S. TheNewYorkerStore.com has the perfect way to help you Captioneers immortalize your caption contributions. Our new Caption It! Cartoons allow you to purchase a contest cartoon print with your caption. And at the introductory price of only $49.95, who can resist the fame? Visit here for more information. And as always, if you are a Club member, you will receive complimentary standard shipping* on your order.

*Only applicable on standard shipping within the continental U.S.

R.I.P., Kee-Kat (1986-2006)

Katerai, aka Kee-Kat











We will always love you Kee, even though you mostly hated us.

Wonder whats in store for you, yawn, I really do...honest

Yes it's time for me to take control of all your hopes and dreams once again, woohahaha-cough-ha. Nothing to depress you with today, think the news papers are finally doing there jobs, however a nice sweet little mention to a one Mr Steven Colbert for being the only journalist with a back bone. Yay Steven Colbert. Please thank him too:

http://www.thankyoustephencolbert.org/

Aries
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango?
send a bolt of lightning - very very frightening to me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

Taurus
What were you wanting / What was that you wanted
I just wanna say
Don't ever change now baby
I'd thank you
I don't think we will meet again
And you must leave now
Before the sun rises

Gemini
And everybody wants you now
Everybody wants to be a part of your crowd
Ooh
Baby it seems sometimes you're lost in TV
Lost in a dream, instant sunshine
Baby

Cancer
Well I refuse to be a cynical goon
Passing the masses an easy answer
Cause it won't be alright
Oh no, it won't be alright
Oh no, it won't be alright
It won't be alright

Leo
Unless you get up, get up
Come on and get up, get up
I need to get up, get up
Come on get up, get up
So come on get up, get up
Come on get up, get up
Unless you get up, get up
So get up, get up, yeah
That's right

Virgo
Why don't your try to forget him?
Just open up your dainty little hand.
You know this life is filled with many sweet companions,
many satisfying one-night stands.
Do you want to be the ditch around a tower?
Do you want to be the moonlight in his cave?
Do you want to give your blessing to his power
as he goes whistling past his daddy, past his daddy's grave.

Libra
Feeling unknown
and you're all alone,
flesh and bone,
by the telephone,
lift up the receiver,
i'll make you a believer
i will deliver,
you know I'm a forgiver

Scorpio
You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love
*Wanna Whole Lotta Love?
Way down inside, woman, You need love.
Shake for me, girl, I wanna be your backdoor man.
Hey, oh, hey, oh, Oh, oh, oh, Keep a-coolin', baby,
Keep a-coolin', baby.

Sagittarius
I noticed tonight
That the world has been turning
While I've been stood here dithering around
While I know I said I'd wait around till you need me,
But I have to go I hate to let you down

Capricorn
Burning down the house
Burning down the house
Burning down the house

Aquarius
Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move
Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
Ah, ah, child, way you shake that thing
Gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.
Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way
Watch your honey drip, can't keep away.

Pisces
There's too many men
to many people
making too many problems
and not much love to go round
can't you see
this is the land of confusion



you might think this is free, but I am really collecting soul points from your anguish, and playing connect 4 with them! woohahah-cough-aaaa

This acid rain canNOT be good for my skin.

Sometimes you just have to go outside, even if it's raining.

Even if it's so windy that you can stand on your toes and lean forward and not fall down.

Do you ever do that?

Somebody told me once that it's faith that makes you feel like you can lean into the wind, and that the wind is really God holding you up and making sure you don't fall.

But I think it's just the wind.

If I knew you were 30 and recently got your greencard, I'd have baked a cake

Oh wait, I did! Well actually, I just frosted it, Beth Ann did the bakin'!






Thank you Mr. Alex Watson for contributing the British "Top #1's of the past 50 years" cd so we could headbang to "Bohemian Rhapsody"




Andi and Ryan groovin' at the junior high dance



The Aftermath



Another one bites the dust



Congrats bunny! We love you!